The Pursuit of Autonomy

While at lunch today, we were discussing the different ways that different cultures eat. Every time I made mention of some action or habit that I use on a daily basis, someone would say, well in this culture, people eat like this. And in that culture, this is the norm. And when I explained something further, I would hear, well in this culture.... and so on this went. Then I got asked if the way I eat represents the U.S. way to eat, and my response was a quote from the movie, Stomp the Yard:

"I ain't reppin' nothing, just me." (DJ)

And the reason why this has any sort of significance to me today is because of a quote I stumbled on this morning:

"Passive acceptance of the teacher's wisdom is easy to most boys and girls. It involves no effort of independent thought...the habit of passive acceptance is a disastrous one in later life." (Bertrand Russell)

We are programmed to be mentally, physically, emotionally, inferior as we grow up. Mostly warranted, but as we progress from diapers to boxers and sand boxes to sand parties, we are conditioned to more or less blindly accept those above us (figuratively and literally) as teachers, leaders, and people to 'look up to.' So what does this blind acceptance do to us?

Well it leads to a lack of creative, independent pursuit of autonomy. Autonomy, referring to the "capacity of a rational individual to make an informed, un-coerced decision." (Wikipedia). And while autonomy is a key word in this idea, I believe creative might be more important. Simply forming an informed opinion might only lump you into a group with the other 49% of a minority. Just veering away from 'blind education' is only the beginning. I'm not saying that my way of eating was something inherently original or without precedence, but I took no advice or bias when I realized that eating small amounts of each dish at a meal interchangeably is not my preferred method. I'm more of an Independence Day alien war craft: Destroy something completely, move on the to the next biggest thing, and destroy the piss out of that too.

But the point is not to say that everything you do should be your own original brand. It's also not to say that your creative approach to something is the right way to do it. In fact, I'm pretty sure that some of my life theories or ideals that I've created on my own might not make the most sense. But at the end of the day, 'I'm reppin' me.' What I have built, what I believe in, who I trust, and any other decision that includes even the slightest bit of gray area, is me. Which is something that I can not only be proud of, but continue to grow and manipulate as I mature through life, keeping in mind that even the most surest of thoughts I've had might change in time.

And you'd be surprised how many 'areas of gray' you might find when you start turning over the rocks that line your path in life. Because, if I can end this with one more quote for you to ponder:

"In all affairs it's a healthy thing now and then to hang a question mark on the things you have long taken for granted." (Bertrand Russell)

Including those that we passively accepted at a young age.

These Things Matter

Rob Gordon: "...I agreed that what really matters is what you like, not what you are like... Books, records, films - these things matter. Call me shallow but it's the fuckin' truth."

And you wonder why I love High Fidelity so much, and how every time I watch it, I like it even more... So this is the concept I would like to explore a little.

So back in the day, when you wanted to get to know someone, you'd have to actually hang out, or maybe talk on the phone. As time went on, phone got replaced by AOL. Which got replaced my AIM. Which has now evolved into a slew of means of communication, many of which contain opportunities to build a profile. People use this for different reasons. Some of us choose to include the bare minimum of information, wanting to use the source as a networking tool without giving too much away. Others of us, the group that includes me, like to populate our profile with accurate, telling, in a way, defining responses and bits of information.

In the same way that a car is a moving, turning, accelerating billboard of you, a profile is a laid out, programmable, customizable advertisement for, well, you. These days, this is something that people might see before they ever meet you. This might be the second or third thing they have to judge you on after meeting you. But I'm not here to tell you that everyone should put a full description of who you are in every profile you ever create. But those of us who do make an attempt to give a selling depiction of who we are do so because we believe Rob Gordon makes a good point. 'Books, records, films - these things matter.'

I guess to be more specific, we'll talk about this in terms of dating compatibility.

I don't want to be with someone who likes everything that I like. I'm not even searching for that. So that's not the point. But your personality is reflected in so many ways.

Give me a list of your favorite movies, 1 through 20. Not 'well when I'm in this mood, I like to watch this' or 'define what genre' or any other distinction you would make when picking. List your movies. And I promise you, based on the list, I can supply a relatively accurate and possibly lengthy description of what kind of person you are. And I'm not special. So not only does this list of movies give an accurate portrayal of who are you, but if you compare it with someone else's list, side by side, you should be able to come to some pretty obvious conclusions. If one list is Billy Madison, Wedding Crashers, Old School, The Hangover, etc... and the other is Donnie Darko, Twilight, Crash, Good Will Hunting, etc... I mean I don't have to spell this out. When forced to rank, whatever kind of movie you value will seep to the top, and it will give away a piece of who you are, and will attract a certain kind of person.

Obviously, I'm not dumb enough to say if you only like comedy movies that you're not smart or interested in other things besides laughing. Again, that's not the point.

But if you can look at someone's interests and they tell you about who they are, and you can be relatively confident that your assessment has some sort of accuracy, you can then apply those traits to more aspects of their life. I'm NOT saying that having similar taste in movies is what matters most, but their taste in movies gives an example of how they approach life. It's not that you have to go to all of the same concerts, but for the most part (of course there are outliers), certain genres of music and certain artists lend themselves to certain personality traits of the fans. So all these little indications, based on things they like or value the most, piece together to create a relatively substantial image of a person. And, if you're someone that doesn't care about movies or music because the only scene you want to see is a natural waterfall and the only music you want to hear is the splashing water, then THAT gives away who you are. You cannot escape this.

When you break it down, you have to be compatible. And while you should have compatible personalities, your interests and cinematic preferences factor into that equation just as much as the clothes you wear or the car you drive. So, what's on your movie list?

Spring in Chicago

Last year around this time, I wrote about a spring state of mind and what that means living in Chicago. And as we approach Daylight Savings in 2010, I can't help but to get caught up in the wind gust that is a change of the season from winter to spring. But looking at it now, there is a significant part of this transition that is lost among the shuffle.

Tomorrow is projected to be 57 degrees. This is something to get excited about. But last night was a low of about 37. And it was *still* something to get excited about after spending the last 4-5 months living in Chicago. I know we're not the only city in the world that has shitty winter months of weather, but if your 'winter' rarely dips below 50, then you really have no idea what it's like. What it's like to walk out and get bum rushed by ice wind, to get into your car and not be able to touch your steering wheel because its too cold. What it's like to live in snow.

Everybody gets to look forward to spring and summer. It's a state of mind. Kids are out of school, summer festivals, concert tours, sun bathing, pool parties, and eeeeeeverything else that gets put in the box for winter storage. We are not special in that sense (even if I'd argue that summer in Chicago rivals any city). But the reaction of this city when the weather starts to break above freezing is uncanny. Maybe we know how special summer in Chi really is, so maybe we anticipate it more than the average 4-season city. Maybe our skins are a little thicker, so maybe a foggy, 37 degree night actually feels warmer to us than everyone else.

But whatever it is, we get to get excited for 40 degrees. And yes, eventually we'll be able to get excited for 50s and 60s and 70s and even 80s and 90s, but for now, 40 degrees is everything we could ask for. 40 degrees feels good. It feels like home. But yes, of course, it feels like a sign of things to come, which, for those of you that get to enjoy it, is well worth the wait.

What Drives You?

I see thousands of cars every day. Its staggering to think how many people drive every day. When you think about your family, your friends, the strangers you see on the road, does the car fit the person? When you imagine your perfect mate, the one from your dreams, what are they driving?

The car that you drive every day is one of the largest billboards that advertises who you are. Everything about the car you choose to drive reflects greatly on who you are as a person. Your clothes change all the time. Yes, you can find yourself comfortably exploring a certain style or trend, but your clothes are constantly changing for various reasons. Your car is there every single morning. The music you listen to, the movies you watch and love, the hobbies you take up, they are all giveaways for who you are, but they all tend to be more fluid than the vehicle that you drive.

Okay, so what you drive is a staple in your life, got it. So what? Well whether or not you realize it, every detail about your car tells another segment of the story that is you.

Color:

You didn't pick silver because you don't care about color. You probably picked silver because its the cheapest, most common color for a car. Black (standard? cool?), red (showoff? attention-craver?) , tan (conservative? boring?). They all mean something about your personality . And if you did pick it just because that was the color available so you figured you'd just go with it, then that says something about you. The color is the first thing people will notice about your car. Maybe you care about how dirty it will look, or how it will match your hair, whatever. There are many decisions you might make about the color of your car that will be indicative of you, and even a lack of a decision says something.

Make/Model:

Are you driving a sports car or sedan, SUV or car, automatic or stick shift? Do you need a minivan to accommodate your family, or are you single and loving it with two doors? Does all-wheel drive give you better handling through the corners? Would you rather be small and quick or big and comfortable? So you want the sport suspension or the luxury edition?

Really, I could go on and on about this. The seats, the audio package, the warranty, the wheels, the gas mileage, the logo, the price, the name. Whether you like it or not, you're car is an extension of who you are. The void of a decision still tells a tale. There are very few things in life that stand as a full representation of who you are. So next time you're driving down the road, stuck in traffic, eyes whipping between hundreds and hundreds of cars, ask yourself one question: What drives you?

Complacency, in E Sharp

I wish my parents had forced me to play the piano when I was younger. I love classical piano music. I love the idea of the piano. I wish I could walk into a room with a grand piano and be able to play Claire De Lune. What a cool hidden talent that would only surface on rare occasions. And what a shame that I couldn't have allowed my passion for baseball to take a step down every once in a while to squeeze in something new.

So I'm left with what? The ability to throw 70MPH when I see one of those radar gun games at the ballpark? Absolutely. Which is awesome. But with no other true childhood passions or even hobbies, well my repertoire seems to be lacking.

But why do you have to learn this stuff when you're a kid? What am I waiting for?

We as adults tend to fall into this habit of complacency. Forgive me for generalizing. Obviously, there are those of us that enroll in classes after a 40th birthday, or finally take art lessons before a vacation touring museums. But the majority of us just figure that we're now playing with the hand that we were dealt. So let's just make the best of what we got and see if we can't create some sort of happiness.

I wasn't forced to take piano lessons when I was younger, I have never been too musically inclined, and I was definitely not blessed with the most slender and agile fingers, but if playing the piano is something that I wish I could do, then why don't I go learn? What is one night a week? Just a couple of hours of practicing instead of facebooking and TVing. Frankly I would welcome the change of pace, while also getting out of it something I've, at least recently, dreamed to be able to do well. So why the hesitation? Why didn't this come up until right now?

I may be talking about hobbies and talents for the focus of this, but realistically, this can be applied justifiably across the board. If you don't like your profession, what are you waiting around for? If you wished you wore different clothes, drove a different car, decorated your house in a different way, but somewhere along the line, whether because of financial reasons, or because of a fear of change, you've stayed stagnant, then you're just living in a safety net. And I tell you what, speaking from seemingly eons of experience, playing it safe can only get you so far.

Tony Hoagland once wrote, 'As long as there is desire, we will not be safe.' And I bring that up now to say that as long as you have the desire to change, to experience, to do whatever it is that you're not doing now, then that portion of your life is not safe. But if you let that desire dwindle into nothing more than a fading fantasy, one never challenged or tested, then you're doing nothing else besides trapping yourself in the softest, most deceiving bars of a jail cell that you can imagine. They might never hurt you, but they will never let you out. The day you look at your life as something that you won't change, as happy or as miserable as you might be at that moment, that's the day where you forget what it means to live.

Complacency is a plague. Avoid it at all costs.

Our Own Personal Jade

A while back I wrote about the impossible scenario of unbiased feelings towards another individual. It was called Rhetorical Romance. I still 100% agree with this idea. But why I applied it solely to the matters of the heart, there is where I have lost myself and underestimated this thought strand. Is it possible to be unbiased about anything? Is it possible to have absolutely no outside factors influence your thoughts or opinions on a subject?

I mean, let's think about this logically before we think about it theoretically or philosophically or any other way you can think about something. The majority of us are raised by our parents. Before we even have thoughts, our parents are influencing our behavior, likes and dislikes, postures, reactions, and any other relatively instinctual response we can have at a young age (I have no scientific proof of this, mind you). So going into the world, growing up, you are looking through the lens of your parents. This cannot be argued.

But Chris, what if you completely reject your parents thoughts and beliefs and create your own structure of ideas. Well, kindly interested person, how did this person think to reject everything their parents instilled in them? Hmmm? Something from the 'outside world' taught them and conditioned them to break away from the confines of the house they were raised in.

This simple thought is the idea behind this whole rambling. In order to free your thoughts from someone or something else's viewpoint, there has to be another force that is pulling you. These days, I can look at something that doesn't make sense and reject it. I can look at, say, someone driving 50 mph in the left lane during light traffic and say NO!, I don't care if that is 'more safe,' it doesn't make sense. You would think, because I'm a logic-based thinker, that I am making a decision based on nothing but my thoughts and beliefs. But really, I've conditioned myself over my lifetime, I've allowed myself to be persuaded by logic, and I've opened my thought structure to those ideas much more than things like 'safety.'

So I am biased before I even approach the scenario. Maybe because of how I was raised. Or maybe because of what I learned in school. Or maybe some deuchebag in high school used to wear Nikes, so I look down on others that do the same. There could be a 10 year disconnect between my initial encounter with the jading medium, but it's still there. And as much as you change and adapt, all you're doing is replacing old skewers with new ones that will grow to reinforce something else. It's a constantly evolving sphere of influences that consciously or subconsciously impacts everything you are exposed to.

I guess my point is, you can never, ever look at something new and think about it abstractly, without any previous influence having an effect. It is impossible. What does this mean? Well it means the same thing as comparing what we see against what color blind people see. The world appears different to each person. We are all instinctively individual. We all have been layered with lenses and filters and screens that dictate how we receive the world. And this, more than personality, more than physical appearance, more than money or class or education, but this is what will always distinguish us from one another. Our own personal jade.

Young and Prepared?

If you were 13 years old, and you had the chance to obtain the wealth of knowledge that you currently possess, would you? Not necessarily educationally (meaning you wouldn't just ace every test), and it's not your experiences that carry over (so you don't already know who does and doesn't like you, etc.), so I guess let me clarify.

I was, to a certain point, socially inept in junior high and high school. So my thoughts on this topic relate to the idea of being able to have the social skills of a 25 or a 35 year old, and insert them into your life as a pimple-faced, fashionably-challenged teenager. And this is where this conversation takes a turn for me.

Of course I would not want to relive the last 10-15 years of my life. That's not the point. You don't get a do-over. But think back to those 'discovery days' of your youth. Would you have rather been equipped with calm nerves, relaxed confidence, and an arsenal of tips, tricks, moves, and weapons? I guess this question only really applies to those of us that were...... less successful when it comes to these types of scenarios, but I still like the idea enough to try to get some thoughts out on it.

This all came about after watching a Two and a Half Men episode in which Charlie, the gun slinging ladies man, coaches his nephew at his first boy/girl party. With a tool belt filled with the right tools, (not so) little Jake successfully gets some alone time with the smart, apparently cute girl from his class. So basically, the knowledge and 'skill set' of a man that has gone through all ups and downs of dating throughout the years is transferred to someone that is on the very edge of that landslide. And I can't help to think what shape my life mural would currently take if those were the same circumstances that I was faced with. Especially since I was a much more competent 13 year old than Jake acts to be.

But when I look back over the course of time when I started noticing girls and finding my place in the social world, and I see the missed opportunities, missed connections, I'm not sure where it leaves me. One side of me is eternally curious about every situation in my life than never panned out because of my inexperience, tentativeness, or lack of confidence. This is something that eats at me more frequently than it should. The other side is still genuinely happy with my current life, so to want to change anything from my past would be foolish.

So I guess, at the end of this disjointed thought strand is the very obvious conclusion: this question makes no sense. If you're not actually given the opportunity to re-live those years, and you're only gaining a very specific pamphlet of knowledge, then this hypothetical is completely unrealistic and useless. Fine. But does anyone else wonder what their life would be like if you would have just slow danced with that girl in 7th grade instead of claiming you don't know how to dance, not realizing all you really have to do is waddle back and forth? Or where they would be right now if they had just grabbed someone hands and pulled them in for a kiss instead of cracking a joke and trying to get out of a situation where you were nervous?

I wouldn't exchange any of my 'failed' experiences if it meant I wasn't exactly where I am today, but hell, I'm damn curious what my life would have been like. Or at least curious what it would have been like to experience some of those chances I tossed away.

And to bring this back to my thoughts on 2009, maybe this is why every year of my life is better than the previous. I don't look back at high school as the best 4 years of my life. I don't look back at college as the best 4 years of my life. And maybe that is because for the last 12-15 years, each year I learn a little more, I experience a little more, and at the end of the day, I am a more complete person.

But a kid can wonder.

Shedding Skin

For anyone that knows me well, going-into-college-me was very different than coming-out-of-college-me. There were classes, teachers, and very close friends that not only changed the way I approached life, but changed the way I thought about life, the way I thought about the people in my life, and the new path that I wanted my life to go down. This sort of grandiose, multilevel change happens to most people. The timing can fall over a broad range of dates, but the general idea of a life-altering and course-switching decision usually comes up at least once. Why?

Well, because we are agents of education. We have been programmed to learn, adapt, evolve, and be educated about anything from algebra to hopscotch, guitars to knitting, parenting to dying. Everything we encounter is viewed as an opportunity to learn, whether we know it or not. So the more we learn, about situations, about people, about feelings and emotions, and about everything else that goes into the intricacies of life, the more we are able to manipulate and contort our lives to better fit into the construct that our minds have rebuilt. The conscious decision to make a change, at the human level, should be considered as an evolution, or else, what are the reasons you are changing if not to do something better?

So there's no doubt that most, if not everyone in this world takes what they've learned from books, people, and their experiences and at some point, sheds the skin of who they once were and becomes someone new. This could be someone that decides to take over life and get back in shape, pitching bags and bags of clothes in order to rediscover a new person. Or it could be someone that is sick of a dead-end job and chooses to get and stay motivated for a more fulfilling job. Or just someone that realizes the right way to treat people and believes in a more respectable way of living. Forgive me for sighting cliches, but it was my attempt to explain how these large changes can come in so many different shapes and sizes that it's almost hard to lump them into the same pile.

Though it's interesting that I used the phrase shedding skin, as it will provide me the launch board I need to reach my point. Can we ever really change? Am I nothing more than a better trained, better educated, better articulated, better groomed version of who I was 5 year ago? 10 years ago? 15 years ago? That high flying exec that used to be a lazy pothead... are they different to the core? Or did they just shed the dreads and start wearing suits, creating the mirage of successful business person?

I don't really have an answer. I started this because I realized, even after my transitions and achievements since high school, deep down, I'm not too different of a person. Sure, clothes, attitude, outlook, and a slew of other things have changed, but anyone who got to know me 10 years ago would probably argue that I'm not so different from the kid they grew up with. Maybe because we all have been growing up together, so it's less noticeable. Maybe my parents or grandparents would be able to say that my change has been more severe. Who knows. But I'm pretty sure that the depth of my 'change' or 'evolution' in my life will never erase who I was growing up, and there are deep seeded and strong-willed fragments of my 'soul' that will always remain present.

So when I hear something like, 'You can't change who people are without destroying who they were,' I guess I believe that. I can't truly change who I am, because I'll never be able to destroy who I was. Destruction is only possible in extreme or fantastical situations, both of which have not been present in my life. I'm not sure what the next 1-60 years of my life will bring, but without a large, stratospheric event, I don't see myself becoming anything more than a wrinkled, weathered, worn down version of the same tree-climbing, hot wheels loving, movie watching, writing, dancing, pitching, loving, caring, and genuine person that I spent my early years becoming. And I'm very okay with that.

Temporary Life

I recently heard someone say that we're all just here, living a temporary life. Temporary life meaning that this wasn't the first stop on our trip, and this won't be our last. That there are places to go after we die, so just bide our time, because there's a lot more to this ride than you can comprehend.

Sorry?

Let me preface this by saying that I'm not here to tell you that you're your beliefs, morals, or the ways you live your life are wrong. I don't have the answers, I have never claimed to. And even the strongest of my arguments has a second ear to listen to the other side, because at any moment, I could be as wrong as I claim my opposition is. So if all I accomplish with this post is to help you inspect your habits and actions to a degree that you're not used to, then I consider it a success. You might find out that what you have set up for yourself is exactly what you believe is the right thing to do, so all this did was reinforce it. Or you might find some areas that could use a tweak, so all you had to do was steer the bow a touch. I don't plan on overhauling any lives with this.

Getting back to this point, the point of believing that this life, the life we lead until we die, is just a skipping stone. If you want to call this a temporary life because it's, well, not permanent, I'm all for it. But, if this is just a means to the ends, if you live this life on the theory or guess that there is an afterlife, and that your only goal is to make sure you're on the right track to a prosperous and delightful eternity, then you have to be missing out on something. I'm not one to say whether there is or is not an afterlife. Really, I, like everyone else currently alive, has no idea. No matter how much faith you have, or research you've done, or any other means of formulating an opinion, no one has anything more than a guess as to what happens to us when we die. Would I like to believe that there is an afterlife? Sure. Do I? That's harder for me to admit.

But what I can admit is simple: there is a real life. There is a today. And for most people in the world, there is a tomorrow. I am 24 years old, and hopefully, if I can keep this up, I have about another 60 years of my life left. And in the same way that the boys from Dazed and Confused wanted to walk away knowing they got the most out of their time spent at Robert E. Lee High School, I want to get the most out of this life. This current, human interaction, blood can be shed, feelings can be felt, real life that we are all experiencing.

The problem with me writing about this, is there is a disconnect between what constitutes the path of afterlife. I agree, thinking in extremes, it would be worse to 'enjoy' this life and spend eternity in hell compared to 'sacrificing' this life and spending eternity in heaven. Given the two scenarios, it's fairly obvious which one we would all pick. But would you put all your chips down on a 50/50 bet? Because no matter how much faith you have, or scientific proof there is, there's nothing more to tell any of us that all we're doing is guessing.

So for me, to sum up my reason for writing this little post, I want to play with my chips. What we have here is real, if nothing else. If I spend my life sacrificing the very things that I believe I would enjoy, then I am taking such an enormous risk. To risk everything based on a belief that holds zero substantial proof is plausibly insane. Nothing matters more than the people you interact with on a daily basis. No one matters more than the people that love you. And nothing is worth the sacrifice of neglecting the essence of what it means to be alive in order to satisfy a belief of an imaginary eternal bliss with absolutely zero physical evidence.

This may be a temporary home, but never forget that this is a home while you are here, so take every opportunity to make it a home worth living in, not just a stepping stone to something you deem might be better.

2009: A Brief Retrospective

While I breach my one year anniversary with this experiment I refer to as From Shore to Pschorr, it conveniently corresponds to those 12-month spans that we call years. I know I don't like to compartmentalize time in things like years, but for the sake of this post, I just want to share a few thoughts on 2009.

You know in Office Space when Peter describes how every day is the new worst day of his life? That could not be farther from the truth for me. Every year of my life has been better than the previous year. 2009 was the best year of my life. I'm not saying that every day was better than the previous, but as a whole, I am truly pleased with how well the year went. A year working the same job. A year driving the same car. A year living on my own. Escaped to Wisconsin twice, Ft Lauderdale once, and painted New York City for the first time, which is still surreal to me. I met new people. Stayed connected with old friends. Even managed to date a girl or two.

Overall, I am more of a complete self than I have ever been. I am closer to figuring out who I am and moving forward with a purpose. The first 6 months of 2006 started a change in my life that is unrivaled, and every segment of time since then has been a reinforcement of the direction my life is going. I am confident in who I am and what I believe in. I am in the best shape of my life. I have the closest friends that I can remember. There have been so many memorable nights that I can't even begin to list them all. Let's just say I have 978 pictures saved in 29 different folders from 2009 alone. So to all my friends that were with me for those days and nights, thank you.

We rocked last year.

Bridges

A bridge is burned, and all that is left is ashes. Can it ever be rebuilt? If it is rebuilt, can it ever be the same? We spend most of our lives building up and tearing down bridges, constantly changing the connections we have between the people around us. We meet new people and forget about old ones. Some people are able to build more and more, while others have to torch one before something new can be erected. And throughout the course of time, we spend more time riveting steel and suspending wood, swinging wrecking balls and lighting fires than most cities.

The idea of a burned bridge is something a little more serious than just drifting away from people you were once close with. There are hundreds of people that, over the course of the last 12 to 15 years, I have, at some point, established a relationship with, whether it was someone I sat next to everyday or someone whose hand I held late at night. So while the depth of these relationships vary across the board, not all of them have made it to the present. (See Save the Date). But I can't classify anyone no longer close to me as falling into a disconnected abyss, bridge after bridge collapsed and destroyed. I would more or less put them in a group of simply abandoned and unkempt bridges. Ones strewn with moss and vines, ones that, while may look like the path of most resistance, or the scary, dark, wooded fork in the road, the bridge is still standing. And with a little maintenance, can once again burden the weight of constant tread.

A burned bridge means someone carried the torch and severed the ties. Someone set off the fuse. Lit the match. The disconnect that ensues is motivated. Someone is making an active decision to remove a presence, a presence that is no longer welcome. And what does this accomplish?

Well, if that presence constantly negatively affects your daily life, then remove it. If that presence physically hurts you, from hitting, from not eating, from not sleeping, from self-inflicted pain, then remove it. If that presence creates an atmosphere non-conducive to a healthy life style, then remove it. Anything along these lines, then there stands a bridge that should be demolished. For this, one less connection is a good thing.

But aside from that, from seriously damaging figures that you come in contact with, is there any real reason to knock out the support of something that brings people together? There are people that have done things that I don't agree with, and people that haven't treated me well, and people that have lied to me, and deceived me, and people that have ignored me, and forgotten me, and there are people that for the most part, don't really deserve my best effort, my compassion, my presence in their lives. But is any of that enough to truly allow me to turn my back if a situation in the future calls for confrontation, commitment, or common conversation? Have any of them wronged me to the point of no return?

I take bridges very seriously. It takes a lot for me to start swinging at the bricks beneath the bridges that connect me to the rest of the world I know. Because a bridge that has crumbled will never look the same. It might serve the same purpose, and someone can still walk from one side to the other, but arched or suspended, those that walk across will always be reminded of the rubble below. The shattered cement blocks and singed wood splinters will forever decorate the landscape below.

Moss can be trimmed. Dust can be swept. Dirt can be cleaned. Vines can be removed. But the history of a crumbled bridge can never trimmed or swept or cleaned or removed. Think twice before you detonate.

My Resolution...

So the new year is here. New day, week, month, year, and decade, all here at once. And the beginning of a new year is a chance for people to say yes, today is the day for change. They can raise their glass high as the ball descends on midnight, and when they wake up in the morning, things will be different. Writing two different numbers at the end of the date will transition your bad habits and lazy attitudes into feats of valor. You dug down deep, found what really needed to change in your life, or, just something that you wanted to change, and you found the courage to force your life into an upward spiral, freeing yourself from the shackles of your former self to emerge on the other side only to say, 'Here I am, and I am a better person than I was last year. You'll see.'

Okay maybe I over-glamorized this idea, but doesn't it kind of seem foolish when you lay it out that way? I mean, we're so caught up in defining and classifying things that we forget that life isn't just simply divided into perfect, equal sections. But somehow when it comes to personal change, the numbers on the calendar have to flip before we take it seriously. So what it's important to you now wasn't important to you in December? Then how important is it? Did you think of something in October and think, 'ya know, that seems like a good life decision. But I'm going to wait for a new year before I implement this into my life, otherwise I won't follow through?' Then what does that say about your desire to change in the first place? Are you just doing it because it seems like the right thing to do, even though you don't believe in it? If at any point in your life, you realize there needs to be a change in your life, then every day you put it off is a waste. A lie. A deceit of your own mind. And convincing yourself that a necessary change can be set aside for another day might be one of the greatest tricks someone can play on them self.

I'm not saying I'm against resolutions. Yeah it might piss me off that I have to wait for a treadmill because 90,000 people decided that 2010 is the year they'll get in shape, for a month, but I like the idea of people making their life, their body, and their state of mind a better and healthier place. I like seeing out of shape people in the gym. At least it shows they are trying. And I like seeing people skipping the doughnut aisle at the grocery store. Or sending out thank you notes to people they may have wronged. Or any other small or large change in someone's life that has a positive impact on the world. Donating to a charity. Helping someone train for a marathon. Volunteering once a month. Changing your perspective on life to have an optimistic outlook. All of it are steps in the right direction.

I just encourage everyone to take the necessary strides for a better life on a Tuesday in June or the 5th of March or the last weekend in October, because positive change is something that should never be delayed. Let your own self-motivation drive you. If you don't have any, then there's where you need to start resolving. Until then, save New Years for champagne and bowl games, let the changes take place as they come.

The Chase

Its amazing to think about what we do to find 'love.' I only put it in quotes because it's impossible to define, so it will hopefully be more clear what I'm talking about by the end of this. But my point is, I can't believe how much time and thought goes into the lives of those hopeful tables for one when it comes to breaking down the details of the dating world. And before I even get started, I fall in and out of this regrettable trend, so I'm using this as much to help myself as helping anyone else who stumbles on this.

Think about how many relationship-type scenarios you know of in your life. Think about how many people in your life, friends, family, coworkers, you come in contact with through the course of a day or week or month are currently dealing with some form of a significant other, or at least someone that is more significant than one night Nancy from the local pub. So of all those situations, how many of them are simple? How many of them were boy meets girl, girl meets boy, boy likes girl, girl likes boy, date, engage, marry, and here we are? On the other side, how many of them were in some sort of game? Some sort of sign reading, questioning motives, are you in or out, who else are you talking to you, are we exclusive, lets take a break, what do you mean 'we were on a break so i thought it was OK,' or any other sort of jumbled mess with some alternative lettering besides A to B...

So why the complications? Because we're all so scared that the person we're with isn't the right one. Because we fear that sort of long term commitment with someone we're not 100% beyond a shadow of a doubt unequivocally undeniably unfathomably positive that this person is the right one, the chance for 'true love,' the chance to live a fairy tale and end with happily ever after. Because they weren't how you drew them up, but at the end of the day, was your drawing wrong? Because everyone deserves to be happy, so what if this is your only shot at happiness. Because if you don't find someone in the next year then you're going to be too old to find someone. Because dying alone ranks number one on your list of fears. Because people keep telling you that this makes sense. Because everything we've been told has conditioned us to believe we know how we're supposed to feel and what we're supposed to say and what we're supposed to do and how we're supposed to act.

So we take what we have, or what we think we have, and we analyze, we reach, we hope, we twist our minds, and we bend the rules in order to cookie cutter our lives into something that looks clean on the outside. And we rush decisions based on a few looks exchanged and a few minor interactions. And we think that the next person you meet might be the last person you meet. And the next person you kiss might be the last person you kiss. No more first dates. No more meeting the parents. No more secrets being revealed. That 'next step' of life becomes the 'B' on your path. And you finally get to see the future, family kids, dinner parties, vacations, picket fences and walk in closets. Everything makes sense.

Then there's reality.

And the reality is that we break our backs and rack our brains and strain our hearts and the start of the resemblance or something or anything that turns out more often to be nothing. And why? Well we do it BECAUSE of everything I've already stated, but why are we forced to do it? Because no one seems to have the ability to just be open. I recently read a quote that basically said you can't understand how someone views the world unless they talk about themselves. Otherwise, how can you trust them? I paraphrased that because I don't want to re-listen to the podcast where I heard it, but how I interpret it is someone who don't talk about their life is hiding something. Hiding feelings, secrets, motives, agendas, whatever. They're like raccoons, quickly fleeing the scene when too bright a light is cast. Why? Cause they're up to no good. And same with people. Because too many solo-fliers standing next to the bar have an agenda, a plan to deploy. And so the event becomes reciprocated acts of strategy. Whatever happened to, 'hey, I'm interesting in starting something with you, hopefully getting to know each other, and seeing where it goes.' Unless your agenda is, 'honestly, I hope you're good in bed because I don't even want to remember your name.' Then just go with that! Take the guess work out.

Now, don't get me wrong, the game, the chase, the courting process should be fun. You can't treat the whole thing like a contract. 'If you agree, please sign on the line. Great, thanks... the first date will be in 4 days. Please pick me up. Awesome.' There is still room to have fun, and the 'getting to know you' process should always feel new and exciting, assuming you like the person. But just don't get caught in this, 'I don't know what to do,' 'I really like him but...' 'I need to wait for a clear sign,' and 'he needs to prove his love before anything can move forward.' These are just opportunities for failure. Avoid them, if you can. Be up front with people. It's the least you can do. Because going on the chase can be fun, but letting people chase when you know they'll never catch you is much worse than the truth. Nobody deserves anything less than the truth. No exceptions.

Sellouts? Yeah. We Sellout Every Show

Artists these days face a relatively constant struggle between remaining true to their roots and blending in with main stream culture. Unless their roots are main stream culture, then the path from A to B is pretty straight forward. But in general, at least with much of the music I listen to, bands start out of a desire to do something different and to be on their own.

Young bands come out with a raw, unpolished sound and attitude that screams of 'you're never going to change us.' It can be this edge that drives bands to discovering a niche in in the industry enough to achieve mild to moderate success. This 'edge' doesn't have to be something hard or heavy. Bands of every genre don't usually assemble because they want to be just like someone else. Granted, there are groups of high school kids that pick up a guitar and think, 'someday, we're going to be the next Nickelback,' but honestly, I'm not worried about that group of unfortunate specimen that probably would have better impacted the world if a few sperm would have zigged left instead of right.

But the mass of the young people that pick up instruments, or sit down in front of them, ultimately want to burn their own path through the jungle that is modern music. And, as soon as they find their niche, as soon as they go from backyards and church stages to opening for nationwide tours, from friends as fans to fans as numbers, and everything else that comes along with the slightest stitch of fame, as soon as that switch happens, they get labeled as sellouts. Is that fair?

No.

Well, not always. Sure, some bands only want to make it big so they can, well, make it big. They want the perks that come with being famous, and will shed any sort of prior motivation skin in order to reach stardom. And in doing so, they have become the prototypical 'sellout.'

But consider everyone else. Whatever happened to maturing? To changing? To moving from something that you identified with when you were fifteen onto something that you can more appropriately call your own? So what if you stopped dying your hair and stopped wearing leather spiked bracelets. Maybe that wasn't what you ultimately saw yourself as.

Or maybe it's time to try something new. I recently read something about Tiger Woods. No, not that. But when asked the question of kinda 'what's next,' he replied that winning never gets old. In his mind, he could win 95 majors, but would still get excited about the 96th. For him, winning is all that matters. No more, no less. But not everyone is built like Tiger. Clearly. So sometimes it makes sense to make your claim in one genre, and try out something else. Maybe crossing genres and changing images and rebuilding an entire persona is more impressive than dominating the same field for decades. Sometimes, even your passion can get boring.

So before you slap the proverbial 'sellout' sticker on any icon in the music industry that makes more money now than they did when they were playing in front of high school crowds, consider the possibility that money may not be the only relevant variable in the equation. Even if it probably is...

My inspiration for this post:

You've Been Concussed

Hot topic in the NFL: Concussions. More now than ever, players in the NFL are being treated seriously for concussions and even concussion like symptoms. All positions are susceptible, and all positions are feeling the effects of missing time on the field. This is disrupting fantasy football, Vegas lines, and most importantly, the actual games, playoffs, and ultimately, the champion. So what are we to make of this seemingly over-heightened sense of protection when it comes to matters of the mind? Well I know where I stand.

Football players for decades have played under the code of toughness. You ask anyone that played football before 1995 what happened after they got their bell rung, and all they wanted was the 'how many fingers am I holding up' question to be asked. That's the easiest one. It's not too hard to count fingers. But don't ask them what state they're in or what team they're playing, they probably couldn't answer. All they wanted was some proof that had consciousness so they could get back on the field. The repercussions of the injury were not even an afterthought, they were a no-thought. This was football. This was the sport of men. You didn't let some knock to your head keep you. Broken fingers? Tape them. Sprained ankles? Toughen up. This is how football was.

Well when we look some of those players now retired, is there any way that it was worth it? Guys had to relearn how to read. I was going to list a ton of the effects of concussions and do research on what players are suffering from what problems, but someone forgot how to read. Isn't that significant enough? Think about that for 10 minutes, if you get the chance. Your professional takes such a toll on your body that you are dumbed down to the level of a 1st grader. Seriously. A forty-five year old man can't read because he got hit in the head too much. And people in the world are still okay with this?

So my thoughts on this topic: If I ever have a son, I will do everything possible to prevent him from playing football. I played two years in high school. I had some helmet-to-helmet hits, I felt dazed a few times. Did it ruin my mind, long term? Probably not. I don't know if it had any ill-effects on my body or mind at all. But I only played two years. Never even played varsity. Is there any way that you would want your son, as tough as you think he is, going back on the field when the possibility for serious, long-term injury is severely heightened? Anyone, and I mean anyone, that would be okay rushing a player back onto the field after a concussion, is legitimately dumb. If your dad is some old-school football jock that played through more pain than infantries, then maybe he took one too many hits to the head. Because there isn't a job, sport, profession, or activity in the world that is worth risking someones ability to function at a basic human level when there were methods of prevention available.

The Holiday Season... UGH

It's the most, wonderful time, of the year..... right?

Ha! Christmas music falls on deaf ears with me. Holiday cheer? Bah humbug. Seasons greetings? Right here buddy. Oh holy night? Holy hell shut up! Let's buy things we don't need wrapped in expensive paper just to waste bows and ribbon and patience. Let's shop at 4 in the morning and cut people off in traffic and argue over parking spaces. Let's shop on Christmas eve because the perfect gift is more important than being with your loved ones. Whoooooo!

Okay, so there was some truth in that last paragraph. Some of it I believe in. And maybe all of it could have come out of my mouth in the last few years. But what's the cause for this social rebuttal? Just years and years of being stuffed full of purchased holiday spirit, gift wrapped and hand signed? Maybe? Maybe it's the same reasons why i kinda poo-pooed on Valentines Day and Thanksgiving... It doesn't seem to out of reach for me. But it wouldn't be me if I didn't look at the other side. So that's what I'm going to do.

Aside from the psychotic parents that believe their kids' love can be purchased from Toys R Us, and aside from the annoying coworkers that drizzle 'Seasons Greetings' cards to half the office in the first week of December, and aside from 4am shoppers and Christmas Eve shoppers and Christmas Day shoppers, and aside from cheap, barely functioning appliances and electronics that probably aren't even that good of a deal, even at the low low price of $299, aside from all of that, this really is a special time of year, as long as it is approached with the right attitude.

If you put all of those 'asides' aside, what's the harm in getting caught up in the holiday spirit? It's finally a time of the year that people tend to act with a little more random kindness. It's a time when you think to get a gift for someone that you appreciate them, since no other time of the year is deemed acceptable by our culture. It's a time to take children imaginations to a new extreme, and to keep their senses scintillated with winter decorations and Christmas collaborations. It's a time to pass down family traditions, family recipes, and family ornaments. It's a time to not get mad when someone cuts you off in traffic. It's a time to rejoice in the relationships you have built outside of your family. Work. Friends. Etc. We get to be nice, and not have to have a reason. We get to donate money without looking at our checking account. We get to wear Santa hats and goofy sweaters without judgment. We get to spoil the ones we care about. We get to welcome new members into a family. We get to relive memories of Christmas pasts, immersing ourselves in the pure elation felt when we opened our first board game. Our first gaming system. Bike. Baseball Bat. We get to see family again. Drink hot chocolate. Eat well. Sleep better. For my friends, we get to continue traditions we've started. And for the rest of us, we get to get caught up in a season that reminds us how much good there can be in this country (this sounds a little too much like what Baseball does for America in Field of Dreams... Oh, people will come Ray. People will most definitely come.).

So, has this scrooge been cured? I think it's safe to say my disinterest in the holiday season never settled too deep into my skin, but now, based on what I know, who I have in my life, and where I see my life going, this time of year, above other holidays or seasons or months, but today, and the next 3 or so weeks, represent something more than a holiday. This time represents a state of mind that should make life a little better to live. So before you reject it, try to embrace it. Sometimes, its not worth it to fight what can be inherently good.

Oh, and its December, so I allow myself to watch Love Actually...

Leave it all on the Field

'I will try, to pour all of myself, into this life, before I die.'

This week I went to the House of Blues to see Chimaira and Trivium. Trivium flies under my radar as having put out two of my favorite CDs of all time. It was a pleasure to finally see them live, and ultimately had a blast at the show. But the reason for this post is the lyric that I have quoted above. The lyric is from the song, 'Into the Mouth of Hell we March.' A charming little number on their album, Shogun. So here's my short, inspiration piece on the topic.

Coaches often tell their players to 'leave everything on the field.' That means to risk life and limb, scratching, clawing, and grasping at every inch possible during the game, leaving your body deteriorated and your mind exhausted, in hopes that even if you lose, you will not only be satisfied with your effort, but you will be able to walk off the field, or court, or ice, whatever, and get back to living. If there was nothing more you could have done, then what is there to feel bad about? You won't have anything rattling around in your head. You won't be kept up at night with nightmares about missed opportunities or mental breakdowns. You will have either won the contest because you and your team was better, or you will have lost the contest because you and your team wasn't better. Either way, you should be proud of your effort and accept the result.

Another cliche is calling this thing we live 'the game of life.' And I don't think life is a game. I don't think there's anything to 'figure out.' There's no right way to live. There are no answers. No cheat codes. No level skipping. But while life is not a game, life CAN be compared to a game in the same way I described above. And this is a pretty common idea of 'living life to the fullest' and all that junk. But I'm going beyond living life to the fullest. You can live a full life without ever 'leaving it all on the field.' And that's the motivation I have. In the same way that I walk away from a workout feeling completely exhausted, like I couldn't run an extra tenth of a mile, or I couldn't do one more set of lifts, or round of crunches, that's the same feeling I want when I'm nearing my end.

Obviously, there are times in your daily life that 'pouring' all of yourself into this life isn't logical or possible, so don't just try to poke holes in my logic. I understand that this is a blanket statement that doesn't always apply. But I see this in a slightly different light. This doesn't mean you need to give 100% of your effort into everything you do. But when it comes down to it, you need to sacrifice a part of yourself. Break off a little chunk. A quote I have referenced before says 'the only gift is a portion of thyself.' And maybe that's my point. At the end of your time here, when you look back, what did you leave for the rest of the world? How soon will you be forgotten? This digital inner monologue gone public is one of my attempts to create something that will live forever. But when it's all said and done, I want to be able to say that there are little pieces of me scattered throughout the world. And even though I might not be around, people, places and events in time will continue to carry who I am, what I believed in, and what I influenced.

So leave it all on the field. You won't only walk away with a clear mind, but you'll leave the field a better, more inspired place for others to tread.

Give Thanks?

So, thanksgiving is next week. A time of the year when family members from around the country meet to share food, memories, drinks, and awkward family occurrences, and to give thanks for all the things we've taken for granted. We wish for health, we give thanks for the food, and we toast to another year. Some of my most vivid childhood memories are from my grandparents house on Thanksgivings, watching the Lions play football, eating peanuts, watching the adults drink whiskey sours, the kitchen show being run by my grandma, my cousin and I playing with his massive amount of G.I. Joes on my grandma's ancient T.V., and days and days of food. That last sentence has me all reminiscing and sentimental. Which will be the last time that happens in this post.

Maybe I'm bitter because 90% of my family lives in either Florida, Arizona, California, or Hawaii. Maybe hearing about everyone else's family parties has turned me into a cold rainy day in November. Maybe the idea of family holidays are lost. And maybe that's why I feel this way. I don't have family parties (mom, if you read this, don't get upset. I'm just making a point). Our family parties consist of the same 5 people that are together 1 or 2 Sundays a month anyway. We're not doing anything special. Turkey instead of sausage... okay. But the nostalgia of Thanksgiving, and every holiday really, is gone. Dead. That's not to say I don't love spending time with my family, but for now, thanksgiving seems like a sham.

We're not giving thanks for the same things that were being celebrated several hundred years ago. Times have changed, so have we. Give thanks every day to the things that make your life better. Don't wait until a hogwash holiday to finally recognize that there are things in your life to be thankful for. Don't wait until your entire family is in the same house, in ugly sweaters, to tell them all how you feel. Yeah, if you want to save late November as the only time of the year to travel, fine, I'm glad you all could make it. But be with your family more often than the holidays. Even if that means calling them, writing them, or sending them something. You can stay connected now easier than ever, so start. Don't get me wrong, this is a challenge to me as much as it is to anyone who reads this.

For those that love the holiday, this isn't a slight to you. If your family gathers everyone up, grandparents to grand kids, and you have the same joyous get togethers that linger in the back of my memory, I am jealous. If you need to use Thanksgiving as the excuse to get everyone together, then so be it.

But don't say you're celebrating Thanksgiving. Give thanks every day, appreciate every day, love your family, and always keep them in your thoughts. We shouldn't need a holiday for that, should we? Celebrate that.

I don't know who these people are. Thanks Google Images!

The Numbers Don't Lie?

"'Men lie, women lie, numbers don't" (Jay-Z: The Blueprint 3; Reminder). Well I am here to say that numbers, stats, findings, recordings, charts, graphs, tables, they all distort views like kaleidoscopes. It is my belief that you can twist and angle any set of data to either help make your point or hurt it. There are so many tricks to manipulating information that it's amazing that anyone falls for the revelations some of them unveil.

Jay-Z has released 11 studio albums. Jay-Z has 11 number 1 albums. He just passed Elvis. That number doesn't lie.

Well from the onset, sure. Eleven times, his CD has reached number one on the charts. But we're comparing him to the rest of the world right? The rest of history. Some might say that because of this number, Jay-Z is the most successful, most popular artist of all time. But there is no way to compare. You're talking about different times of the world. Times when people didn't buy music because they didn't have the means to play it. People that had different interests than music. People that had to deal with World Wars. People that didn't go to college where music tastes are passed around faster than herpes. Barely. And now and days, there are so many more genres, artists of other kinda of music can't compete. Careers don't seem to last as long. Fads come and go. And maybe all of that is a testament to Jay-Z, that he picked the right road and endured what others could not. And he may very well be the most successful musical artist of all time. But don't you tell me that it's because the amount of number 1 records he has.

Just look at how many other stats that are looked at where you can't rule out the factor of variables. Only scientific experiments that eliminate the variables can be trusted.

Sports Stats

Baseball:

Batting Average: Depends on number of at bats, what league you're in, what team you're on, where you play, who your opponents are, what the weather is like, how strong your bats are, what way the wind is blowing, etc.

Runs Batted In: Depends on how often your teammates get in scoring position, where you hit in the lineup, how many outs there are, in addition to everything else that I mentioned with batting average.

Football:

Yards per Carry: Depends on your offensive line, the team you're playing, the league you're in, where you play, what the weather is like, what the field is made out of, etc.

Receptions: Depends on the defenders, the quarterback, the weather conditions, the time of the game, plus everything from the previous one.

Golf:

Strokes: Depends on the time of day, the amount of wind. You could take the exact same shot, same motion, same speed, same percentage of the ball hit, and it will do different things every time. Why? Well because it would be very rare for the air to be identical every single shot. So even non-team sports lace in factors that influence the purity of stats.

Movie Stats

Highest Grossing Film of All Time
Most Tickets Sold of All Time
Highest Opening Weekend
Most Rented
ETC

All of these, even when 'adjusted for inflation,' still don't consider social times, economic times, and just times in general (think woman's rights, African American rights, etc.). Can you ever compare movies between decades, between genres, between mediums? Way too many variables.

Work Stats

A new program is started that is supposed to decrease the number of mistakes. Well how will you know if the program is working? By monitoring the number of mistakes, silly! Less mistakes = program successful. But what if the people are just trying a little harder? Maybe someone gave the team a pep-talk. Maybe there was a new hire that's skewing all the results. Maybe a new kind of problem is arising, causing what seems to be more mistakes.


I only gave you a handful of examples, but there really are a countless number of things I could have shown you. What I should have done is find a stat to tell me how many stats are actually inaccurate. But, even that would be inaccurate. So to draw this all back into the big picture, stats can be used to mislead and misrepresent, so as is the case with all scenarios, situations, hassles, or every day occurrences, it is always encouraged to dig a little deeper than the surface, see if you can find out the facts for yourself, and make your own decision, not what someone is trying to sell you on.

Cuz You Gotta Have Goals....

A friend of mine recently proposed a conundrum: "Is it bad that because I have such high ambition I'm never happy with what I actually have cuz its no where close to where I want to be?"

This disconnect is really hard for me to wrap my head around, so let's see what comes out.

Two very distinct ways of approaching life resonate on this topic: Never stop pursuing what you dream. / Be content with what you have. Can these two ever survive in the same life?

The first one: Big house. Fast cars. Toys. Gadgets. Clothes. The life that the world tells us we should have. And the life that the world tells us we can have, if we never give up our dreams. Never stop believing in yourself. Never give anything but your full effort, and there's nothing you can't accomplish. Why, if you want that Ferrari, then just keep practicing those free throws, or selling that stock, or pushing those papers, because one day, alllll that effort and alllll that hard work will pay off, and you'll be staring at the life you've always dreamed of, right? HELL YEAH! Who can fault anyone that has that ambition? Who can look at someone that says 'I want to climb this ladder faster than anyone else, I want to be the best one here, and I want to make a name for myself,' and think that they are wrong? Striving to be everything you think you can be is an admirable trait. It's not something that everyone possesses. It shows signs of leadership, determination, passion. It is seemingly flawless, right? Well, assuming you're okay sacraficing friends, family, hobbies, and time for yourself in order to pump in hours and efforts focused towards a goal that you don't get to enjoy if you're constantly looking at the next step.

The second one: A simple life. The necessities. Finding the good in the bad and the big in the small. Living the life that will continue to make you happy despite job, money, and any other extra amenity that fills out our lives, relying instead on inmaterial objects of love, compassion, and an appreciation for the gift of life. Well hell, that sounds perfect right? A simple life of long summer days in the fields and slow fall nights in the rain and long winter evenings by the fire place and fast spring days in the garden. Nature becomes your best friend. Well, and friends. You waste time telling stories instead of seeing movies. You make projects for rebuilding the downtrodden instead of buying the newest gadget. You don't even bat an eye if someone nicks your car, it would just add character, not add an ulcer. There's no need to DVR 18 different shows a week to see which fake life is more important. You don't even have to be caught up in the news. Your freedoms flow as far as your happiness, and nothing that you have can be taken away by a bank. Well, that's all fine and dandy if you're okay be a lazy bum that doesn't plan for the future and can't provide the means for future generations of education and a life that gives them options.

So is the answer balance? Probably. But how?

Well I don't really know how. But if you are hell bent on this fast-paced, shiny object, fancy clothes lifestyle of high price tags and swank parties, you need to do whatever you can to appreciate what you already have. And if you're a moseying member of society that doesn't mind trucking down the gravel road at a pace slow enough to make out shapes in the clouds, then don't be surprised if you get passed by some hot shot doin 80 in his new benz, because he can probably pay the bills, even if most of them are credit card bills. If you're never striving for the next level, then there's never room for evolution, for progression, a path to lead the masses above their current situation. You'd be living a life with a ceiling too low to grow to full potential.

So while playing the first level of Super Mario Brothers over and over and over and over and over and over again might be fun, it should make you want to go further. But every time you beat a level, the FIRST reaction shouldn't be to beat the next level, but take some time to appreciate your accomplishments. Life can't be lived only looking forward or only looking back. The present is an amazing place to be. Try it out for a while. You might find you like it here.