The Pursuit of Autonomy

While at lunch today, we were discussing the different ways that different cultures eat. Every time I made mention of some action or habit that I use on a daily basis, someone would say, well in this culture, people eat like this. And in that culture, this is the norm. And when I explained something further, I would hear, well in this culture.... and so on this went. Then I got asked if the way I eat represents the U.S. way to eat, and my response was a quote from the movie, Stomp the Yard:

"I ain't reppin' nothing, just me." (DJ)

And the reason why this has any sort of significance to me today is because of a quote I stumbled on this morning:

"Passive acceptance of the teacher's wisdom is easy to most boys and girls. It involves no effort of independent thought...the habit of passive acceptance is a disastrous one in later life." (Bertrand Russell)

We are programmed to be mentally, physically, emotionally, inferior as we grow up. Mostly warranted, but as we progress from diapers to boxers and sand boxes to sand parties, we are conditioned to more or less blindly accept those above us (figuratively and literally) as teachers, leaders, and people to 'look up to.' So what does this blind acceptance do to us?

Well it leads to a lack of creative, independent pursuit of autonomy. Autonomy, referring to the "capacity of a rational individual to make an informed, un-coerced decision." (Wikipedia). And while autonomy is a key word in this idea, I believe creative might be more important. Simply forming an informed opinion might only lump you into a group with the other 49% of a minority. Just veering away from 'blind education' is only the beginning. I'm not saying that my way of eating was something inherently original or without precedence, but I took no advice or bias when I realized that eating small amounts of each dish at a meal interchangeably is not my preferred method. I'm more of an Independence Day alien war craft: Destroy something completely, move on the to the next biggest thing, and destroy the piss out of that too.

But the point is not to say that everything you do should be your own original brand. It's also not to say that your creative approach to something is the right way to do it. In fact, I'm pretty sure that some of my life theories or ideals that I've created on my own might not make the most sense. But at the end of the day, 'I'm reppin' me.' What I have built, what I believe in, who I trust, and any other decision that includes even the slightest bit of gray area, is me. Which is something that I can not only be proud of, but continue to grow and manipulate as I mature through life, keeping in mind that even the most surest of thoughts I've had might change in time.

And you'd be surprised how many 'areas of gray' you might find when you start turning over the rocks that line your path in life. Because, if I can end this with one more quote for you to ponder:

"In all affairs it's a healthy thing now and then to hang a question mark on the things you have long taken for granted." (Bertrand Russell)

Including those that we passively accepted at a young age.

These Things Matter

Rob Gordon: "...I agreed that what really matters is what you like, not what you are like... Books, records, films - these things matter. Call me shallow but it's the fuckin' truth."

And you wonder why I love High Fidelity so much, and how every time I watch it, I like it even more... So this is the concept I would like to explore a little.

So back in the day, when you wanted to get to know someone, you'd have to actually hang out, or maybe talk on the phone. As time went on, phone got replaced by AOL. Which got replaced my AIM. Which has now evolved into a slew of means of communication, many of which contain opportunities to build a profile. People use this for different reasons. Some of us choose to include the bare minimum of information, wanting to use the source as a networking tool without giving too much away. Others of us, the group that includes me, like to populate our profile with accurate, telling, in a way, defining responses and bits of information.

In the same way that a car is a moving, turning, accelerating billboard of you, a profile is a laid out, programmable, customizable advertisement for, well, you. These days, this is something that people might see before they ever meet you. This might be the second or third thing they have to judge you on after meeting you. But I'm not here to tell you that everyone should put a full description of who you are in every profile you ever create. But those of us who do make an attempt to give a selling depiction of who we are do so because we believe Rob Gordon makes a good point. 'Books, records, films - these things matter.'

I guess to be more specific, we'll talk about this in terms of dating compatibility.

I don't want to be with someone who likes everything that I like. I'm not even searching for that. So that's not the point. But your personality is reflected in so many ways.

Give me a list of your favorite movies, 1 through 20. Not 'well when I'm in this mood, I like to watch this' or 'define what genre' or any other distinction you would make when picking. List your movies. And I promise you, based on the list, I can supply a relatively accurate and possibly lengthy description of what kind of person you are. And I'm not special. So not only does this list of movies give an accurate portrayal of who are you, but if you compare it with someone else's list, side by side, you should be able to come to some pretty obvious conclusions. If one list is Billy Madison, Wedding Crashers, Old School, The Hangover, etc... and the other is Donnie Darko, Twilight, Crash, Good Will Hunting, etc... I mean I don't have to spell this out. When forced to rank, whatever kind of movie you value will seep to the top, and it will give away a piece of who you are, and will attract a certain kind of person.

Obviously, I'm not dumb enough to say if you only like comedy movies that you're not smart or interested in other things besides laughing. Again, that's not the point.

But if you can look at someone's interests and they tell you about who they are, and you can be relatively confident that your assessment has some sort of accuracy, you can then apply those traits to more aspects of their life. I'm NOT saying that having similar taste in movies is what matters most, but their taste in movies gives an example of how they approach life. It's not that you have to go to all of the same concerts, but for the most part (of course there are outliers), certain genres of music and certain artists lend themselves to certain personality traits of the fans. So all these little indications, based on things they like or value the most, piece together to create a relatively substantial image of a person. And, if you're someone that doesn't care about movies or music because the only scene you want to see is a natural waterfall and the only music you want to hear is the splashing water, then THAT gives away who you are. You cannot escape this.

When you break it down, you have to be compatible. And while you should have compatible personalities, your interests and cinematic preferences factor into that equation just as much as the clothes you wear or the car you drive. So, what's on your movie list?

Spring in Chicago

Last year around this time, I wrote about a spring state of mind and what that means living in Chicago. And as we approach Daylight Savings in 2010, I can't help but to get caught up in the wind gust that is a change of the season from winter to spring. But looking at it now, there is a significant part of this transition that is lost among the shuffle.

Tomorrow is projected to be 57 degrees. This is something to get excited about. But last night was a low of about 37. And it was *still* something to get excited about after spending the last 4-5 months living in Chicago. I know we're not the only city in the world that has shitty winter months of weather, but if your 'winter' rarely dips below 50, then you really have no idea what it's like. What it's like to walk out and get bum rushed by ice wind, to get into your car and not be able to touch your steering wheel because its too cold. What it's like to live in snow.

Everybody gets to look forward to spring and summer. It's a state of mind. Kids are out of school, summer festivals, concert tours, sun bathing, pool parties, and eeeeeeverything else that gets put in the box for winter storage. We are not special in that sense (even if I'd argue that summer in Chicago rivals any city). But the reaction of this city when the weather starts to break above freezing is uncanny. Maybe we know how special summer in Chi really is, so maybe we anticipate it more than the average 4-season city. Maybe our skins are a little thicker, so maybe a foggy, 37 degree night actually feels warmer to us than everyone else.

But whatever it is, we get to get excited for 40 degrees. And yes, eventually we'll be able to get excited for 50s and 60s and 70s and even 80s and 90s, but for now, 40 degrees is everything we could ask for. 40 degrees feels good. It feels like home. But yes, of course, it feels like a sign of things to come, which, for those of you that get to enjoy it, is well worth the wait.

What Drives You?

I see thousands of cars every day. Its staggering to think how many people drive every day. When you think about your family, your friends, the strangers you see on the road, does the car fit the person? When you imagine your perfect mate, the one from your dreams, what are they driving?

The car that you drive every day is one of the largest billboards that advertises who you are. Everything about the car you choose to drive reflects greatly on who you are as a person. Your clothes change all the time. Yes, you can find yourself comfortably exploring a certain style or trend, but your clothes are constantly changing for various reasons. Your car is there every single morning. The music you listen to, the movies you watch and love, the hobbies you take up, they are all giveaways for who you are, but they all tend to be more fluid than the vehicle that you drive.

Okay, so what you drive is a staple in your life, got it. So what? Well whether or not you realize it, every detail about your car tells another segment of the story that is you.

Color:

You didn't pick silver because you don't care about color. You probably picked silver because its the cheapest, most common color for a car. Black (standard? cool?), red (showoff? attention-craver?) , tan (conservative? boring?). They all mean something about your personality . And if you did pick it just because that was the color available so you figured you'd just go with it, then that says something about you. The color is the first thing people will notice about your car. Maybe you care about how dirty it will look, or how it will match your hair, whatever. There are many decisions you might make about the color of your car that will be indicative of you, and even a lack of a decision says something.

Make/Model:

Are you driving a sports car or sedan, SUV or car, automatic or stick shift? Do you need a minivan to accommodate your family, or are you single and loving it with two doors? Does all-wheel drive give you better handling through the corners? Would you rather be small and quick or big and comfortable? So you want the sport suspension or the luxury edition?

Really, I could go on and on about this. The seats, the audio package, the warranty, the wheels, the gas mileage, the logo, the price, the name. Whether you like it or not, you're car is an extension of who you are. The void of a decision still tells a tale. There are very few things in life that stand as a full representation of who you are. So next time you're driving down the road, stuck in traffic, eyes whipping between hundreds and hundreds of cars, ask yourself one question: What drives you?

Complacency, in E Sharp

I wish my parents had forced me to play the piano when I was younger. I love classical piano music. I love the idea of the piano. I wish I could walk into a room with a grand piano and be able to play Claire De Lune. What a cool hidden talent that would only surface on rare occasions. And what a shame that I couldn't have allowed my passion for baseball to take a step down every once in a while to squeeze in something new.

So I'm left with what? The ability to throw 70MPH when I see one of those radar gun games at the ballpark? Absolutely. Which is awesome. But with no other true childhood passions or even hobbies, well my repertoire seems to be lacking.

But why do you have to learn this stuff when you're a kid? What am I waiting for?

We as adults tend to fall into this habit of complacency. Forgive me for generalizing. Obviously, there are those of us that enroll in classes after a 40th birthday, or finally take art lessons before a vacation touring museums. But the majority of us just figure that we're now playing with the hand that we were dealt. So let's just make the best of what we got and see if we can't create some sort of happiness.

I wasn't forced to take piano lessons when I was younger, I have never been too musically inclined, and I was definitely not blessed with the most slender and agile fingers, but if playing the piano is something that I wish I could do, then why don't I go learn? What is one night a week? Just a couple of hours of practicing instead of facebooking and TVing. Frankly I would welcome the change of pace, while also getting out of it something I've, at least recently, dreamed to be able to do well. So why the hesitation? Why didn't this come up until right now?

I may be talking about hobbies and talents for the focus of this, but realistically, this can be applied justifiably across the board. If you don't like your profession, what are you waiting around for? If you wished you wore different clothes, drove a different car, decorated your house in a different way, but somewhere along the line, whether because of financial reasons, or because of a fear of change, you've stayed stagnant, then you're just living in a safety net. And I tell you what, speaking from seemingly eons of experience, playing it safe can only get you so far.

Tony Hoagland once wrote, 'As long as there is desire, we will not be safe.' And I bring that up now to say that as long as you have the desire to change, to experience, to do whatever it is that you're not doing now, then that portion of your life is not safe. But if you let that desire dwindle into nothing more than a fading fantasy, one never challenged or tested, then you're doing nothing else besides trapping yourself in the softest, most deceiving bars of a jail cell that you can imagine. They might never hurt you, but they will never let you out. The day you look at your life as something that you won't change, as happy or as miserable as you might be at that moment, that's the day where you forget what it means to live.

Complacency is a plague. Avoid it at all costs.