My Ducks

So, way back in the day, when I was still using Facebook to publish my notes, I wrote about my ducks. Referencing a quote from A Lot Like Love, the idea was that you have to have priorities. First you get the job, then the car, then the girl, then the house, then the family, then it all makes sense. From A to B to C to Z, step by step. Planned. Coordinated.

So what I wrote about was not worrying about keeping my ducks in line. And I still 100% believe in that. There's no plan, no set way that I should live my life. If you're not flexible enough to welcome when a new duck enters your life, then you're setting yourself up for failure. This shouldn't be rocket science. I'm not a profit. I'm just explaining what is most logical.

But all that being said, I just turned in my signed and dated official contract that signifies the beginning of my first stint as a salaried employee. Ever. Up until this point, I've been an hourly employee at Linen N Things, my mom's company Gallagher Basset, my dad's company E.H. Wachs, worked part time for U of I, then came home and spent two and a half years as a contractor, filling out time sheets, working 40 hours, and always having a little asterisk next to my name in some way, highlighting that I'm not an official employee of the establishment in which I do my work.

So, back when I wrote, "Consistent, possibly stationary long term employment may be the first true mile marker in the journey of the rest of my life. Tentative check," well........ CHECK.

It may not be the first step, the lead duck, or whatever you want to call it, but for now, it's the most important one. And to this point, will stand as one of the most important things I've accomplished in my life.

People Who Stare At People

So how many times do you swing your head around and peer into the window of the car next to you while you're driving? Pretty much every car you pass? But as soon as that person returns the stare, you look away like they're a solar eclipse. Or how about sitting in a crowded restaurant, checking out every face and body that so much as flinches. Different venue, same result. As soon as their eyes make it back to yours, you jerk your neck faster than a crash test dummy hitting a wall at 60mph.

I am 100% guilty of this. I don't know if there's a vehicle that I pass, which is a lot, that I don't check out to see who is driving. If the person was driving like a jackass, I want to see what a jackass looks like. Or confirm that they are on their phone or doing their makeup. If the car is especially nice, I want to see what a rich person looks like. And going back to 'What Drives You,' I've already judged every car on the road as soon as I see it. So more than anything, I'm just looking for confirmation of my judgment. Or, ya know, that rare time where I'm just looking to see if it's a cute girl. But that's rare. Very rare.

The restaurant scene has a slightly different feel. I might notice someone's summer dress and want to see what she looks like. Or overhear a conversation and wonder what kind of jackass would say something so dumb. So I have to look and see what a jackass looks like. Or I notice some special or exotic drink being delivered. I want to see what the elitist people are doing out in public besides showing off their ability to order adventurous drinks. And then judge the shit out of them. So more than anything, I'm just looking for confirmation of my judgment. Or, ya know, that rare time where I'm just looking to see if it's a cute girl. But that's rare. Very rare.

But still, from checking out a cute girl to mentally judging the jackass to admiring someone with good taste in vehicles or style, the overwhelming majority of the population immediately changes their stare once the look is returned. At this point, it teeters on the edge of extreme training and human instincts. I say human because I have never known an animal to be too shy to stare at someone, even long after the stare is returned. Are we all just timid little scaredy cats (pun intended) that can't deal with the pressures of seeing someone's eyes? Or do we feel that our intentional look is in some way invading the personal air space of our target?

Well I find both options rather curious.

Are we just all scared? I mean seriously. I would hope that the majority of the people who read the first few paragraphs kinda nodded their head in agreement. So we all know what we all are doing. There are no secrets here. When I drive by your car, I am going to look into it. When you drive by my car, you will look into it. So why, when we meet eyes, is it like the two positive ends of a magnet. Can't, possibly, stay, looking, directly, at, each other. Arrgghhhhh!

And do you really feel like you're breaching the protective bubble that we all walk around with. Do you get the heebie jeebies when you notice someone staring at you? If so, why? Are you *that* self conscious? If we all realize that most people that are staring are just confirming their previously assigned judgment, why do we feel so violated when a set of eyes stays on us longer than a passing second? We need to relax a little. But our response is to judge the person judging us. 'Who is that person lingering longer than the society standard?' And the only thing that will stop that feeling is if that person is cute!

So let's make a decision together. Don't stop staring, stop caring. So someone is looking at you... take it as a compliment. Return the glance if you so choose, or if you even notice. It is not an invasion of privacy, it's just looking. You do it too. Let's get over this socially trained fear of a set of eyes on us and just realize there are more important things than the jackass staring at you from the next lane. Like figuring out if the next car has a cute driver! But only on rare occasions...

The Pale Blue Dot

"The Earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena...Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the universe, are challenged by this point of pale light."

This is a quote from Carl Sagan's book 'The Pale Blue Dot.' I first heard of this book as a one minute interlude song on a Story of the Year CD, and it struck me. It challenged some of my ideas about this planet and the people that occupy it. I was revisited by this book recently, watching a video that claims 'the world would be better if everyone watched this video.' And once again, I was impressed. I was moved, even.

Now, for the purposes of this post, I am strictly arguing against the quote I have previously stated. Though I believe that this is not taken out of context, rather, is a rather fair summary of this portion of the novel. So while I will be posing my 'counter-argument,' mind you, I still strongly encourage you to watch this video, if not to form your own option, at least to enjoy it for what its worth.

OK. So. Seeing the Earth from the rings of Saturn displays it only as a pale blue dot, and as Sagan describes, 'our planet would be just a point of light, a lonely pixel hardly distinguishable from the other points of light Voyager would see: nearby planets, far off suns.' But here's the deal, from a distance of 3.7 billion miles, I agree, we are insignificant. We blend in as a shell on Sanibel Island. And that perspective out shadows any war or peace, any hatred or love, any friend of foe. If you want to start counting stars and galaxies and planets and asteroids and every other bit of orbiting or stray matter that is floating somewhere in this existence, whether the light we're seeing is from eons ago or not, whatever, i get it, we're small.

They say it's all relative. So we're relatively small in comparison to the rest of time and space. A blip on the time line. A pale blue dot in space.

But the earth, relative to me, is on the verge of incomprehensibly big. The sun, is that much bigger than the Earth. Jupiter, is that much bigger than the sun. Earth's path around the sun, is that much bigger than Jupiter. Jupiter's path around the sun, is that much bigger than Earth's path around the sun. And the star, Betelgeuse, is bigger than that.

My mind cannot comprehend that. That is out of my mind's comprehension, and out of the things that impact my daily life, besides being able to spit out that little nugget while walking on a clear enough night to spot the constellation Orion. Break it down further, and the scale of things that do impact my daily life seems to dwindle. Now I completely understand the idea of a global economy, of the people, places, industries, environments, animals, jobs, and strategies that go into each moment of life, and how encompassed I am in that. But for me, the people, feelings, and personal impact on society is what drives my life.

So before I keep rambling and get off topic, relative to the rest of space, we are nothing, but relative to the rest of space, we are everything. To me, nothing exists outside of this planet. No life has spawned anywhere else, that we know of. This unique collaboration of rock, molten rock, metal, and water has come together to create the center of our universe. We are the center of the universe. Because what we do here impacts our lives. Aside from a stray asteroid taking out our planet, I'm going to say that we'll be the ones to destroy it.

Cuz like Sagan also appropriately describes, 'there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves.'

So what do you think?

Lyrical Exaggeration

"Cause honestly the truth is that you know im never leaving
Cause you're my angel sent from above
Baby you can do no wrong"

- Justin Bieber - 16

"And even when we're miles and miles apart
You're still holdin' all of my heart
I promise it will never be dark
I know, we're inseperable"

- Jonas Brothers - 17, 20, 22

"Its like you took my heart and purposly tore it in two.
I Never knew what a person like you could do.
I dreamt and prayed through the nights that someday i would win back your love.
But this dream would only be if you loved me enough."

Miley Cyrus - 17

"Looking so innocent,
I might believe you if I didn't know
Could've loved you all my life
If you hadn't left me waiting in the cold"

Taylor Swift - 20


What am I missing? Millions of these artists' records are sold each year. Unbelievable pop sensations. Life of a Hollywood star before legally able to drink alcohol (Except that oldest Jonas brother. What a creep). And somehow they have all experienced deeper love and more painful heartache than I have, enough to write songs and songs and albums and albums about angels from heaven and heart-breaking liars?

Obviously, there's a market for this kind of music. Whether its middle school kids that believe each relationship will be their last, or college kids that use the overly sensitive lyrics to connect with their 'adult' problems, people are still buying this music, and, at some point, listening to and connecting with the lyrics. Yeah, because when I think of breaking up or falling in love, I want to hear what the newest teenage heart throb has to say on the subject.

But maybe it's a necessary evil. Truth is, I had to do a decent amount of searching to find these examples. Because the mind of a 17 year old works much different than the mind of an adult. I'm sure there are enough people in the world that can convey the strong feelings associated with matters of the heart in poetic and mature ways that would offer a comforting support or insightful guidance without needing the pride of teenagers in America filling our airspace. Ask me for examples. But what we fail to realize, after the initial retraction from these high school heroes, is that love and pain, obsession and misery, is all relative.

I remember sitting in my room for an entire weekend, listening to the same, angry, violent, turbulent CD on repeat, all because of a girl. Obviously the genre of my music differed a little, but still, to me, at the time, it was the most crushing thing that could have happened. But what was I? I was no one concerned with world problems, finding a job, maintaining an apartment, taking care of my family, or anything else that you might consider to be more important in the grand scheme of things. But hell, I was 16 years old and didn't know anything. Relative to my situation, this was it. This mattered more than the rest of the world.

So while these kittens and puppies are out there, *hopefully* writing their own music, maybe these gross exaggerations are warranted based on some sort of young love that they thought would last forever, even if any logical person would look at the success rates of high school romances and scoff at the idea. Maybe the less developed mind needs to hear from a less developed set of vocal cords that breaking up is the hardest thing you'll ever do. And maybe, when you see some 29 year old at the coffee shop listening to the newest thigh high teen tweeter, there is a connection between the over dramatization of emotional lyrics with the almost assured state that we all once found ourselves occupying at some point in our younger lives.

So, if the music either speaks directly to the kids of today, or connects the rest of us with our long forgotten childhoods, then can we ask the question whether it's really an evil at all?

And besides, do we really want the youth of this world listening to Celine Dion when it comes to matters of the heart?