Creatures of Habit

Throughout this blog, I have preached balance, adaptation, analyzing, thorough, and thoughtful care to each and all situations, approaching with an open mind, ear, eye, and heart. A large part of these ideas is the constant state of change, of growing, maturing, evolving, and revolutionizing any or all aspects of your life. Not necessarily because I have all the answers, but again, to challenge people, and myself, to shine a brighter, more intense, invasive, and exposing light on things you might have taken for granted, amongst other things.

That being said, I believe that we are all creatures of habit, and to some extent, doomed to repeat many of the same mistakes over and over. And I, the preacher, am no stranger to falling into the same traps.

I can't even stop this conversation with mistakes, There are more situations in life besides successes and failures. In fact, almost nothing is that black and white. There is always debris, there is always fallout. Not everything is crisp enough to assign a plus or minus sign to. Not all victories are without loss, and vice versa. So considering all of these scenarios, these literally countless occurrences that fall in the middle, the muck, the gray area, all your adventures and relaxations, we continue to repeat what we know, step in our own steps, with something between fear and comfort keeping you inside the lines.

I'd like to say I can offer a way out, but this is something that I struggle with too. I'm thinking of this less in the terms of ordering the same thing every time I go to subway. It applies, but in a different way and for a different post (see future: Breaking the Monotony). I'm thinking bigger things, life things, job, things, relationship things, where even though you are consciously attempting to steer clear of whatever path you had previously carved, it's hard to wiggle free of something that you've already done, whether because it was the best option, the easiest option, the most impressive option, or, for a masochist, the one that offers opportunity for punishment and personal turmoil. The idea of learning from past experiences seems relevant here, but I'm not saying there isn't learning. I might spend an entire week waking up late for work, cursing myself each day for the extra hour in the car during my commute, the being one of the last ones in my group to get to my desk, the staying later in the afternoon to make up time and missing some early evening activities, etc, so I learn, and I promise myself that next week, things will be different. I learned my lesson. I understand the consequences. But sure as shit, next week, the extra 30 minutes of sleep is more important than aaaall the things I just listed. I learned, sure, but I didn't change, because during the summer, I'm a lazy creature of habit.

So maybe this was just a personal kick in the ass. Yes, I got to work at 7:01 this morning, but still, across the board, I want to challenge myself to be observant enough to recognize when I'm treading over my previous tracks. Not because what I did was right or wrong, but touching on an old, super-cliche, if you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you always gotten' (Tony Robbins). I know, I know, I hate cliches too, but there's something to that. So if you aren't happy with the results, see if you can find the power to break the habit.

Self Accomplishment is Priceless

I just got back from a weekend in New York City. I did a similar trip last year, and had a similarly good time, but the difference was, this time, I had my camera. Even though the battery didn't quite last as long as we did, I anxiously sat on the plane, hungover to the wall, waiting for touchdown, knowing how close I was to charging my battery and uploading my pictures. I took 160 pictures and 9 videos before my little Casio called the quits, and I could not wait to see what the 17" of my laptop screen would reveal. Obviously I was excited to post the pictures for the world to see, but I wanted to validate my naive, amateur, basic level of photography as something that could be appreciated by both ends of the artistic spectrum. As I cycled through, laughing at the shenanigans, cowering at the embarrassment, and cropping the excess, I realized that I have a legitimate chance, between the resolution of these pictures and the megapixels of my camera, to produce something that might end up looking relatively, well, professional.

Having a camera with enough megapixels to take wide enough pictures to crop when you get home makes all the difference in the world. And cropping the crap away from the target in a picture is something that goes overlooked in the layman's photo album. As most of you know, I am a freak with a camera. I figure snap happy now equals real happy later. And so that's what I did while I was in NYC. I think I took 25 pictures just walking the Brooklyn Bridge. That's 2 pictures every tenth of a mile. I guess when you break it down like that, it's not nearly as impressive. But the point of the matter is the more I took, the more I had when I got home, and the greater opportunity I had when it came time to do something more than make my facebook creepers happy.

I've almost settled on three pictures: Three pictures, three skylines, three different parts of New York, and all taken within a few thousand feet of each other. So what's my plan? Well I want to take these three pictures, cropped as they are at a 12 x 36 ratio, print them (on some nice poster paper), frame them (in something more than four pieces of skinny aluminum), and mount them on my massive living room wall. You know what it will cost me to take three pictures, get them printed, buy three frames, fit the posters in the frames, and get them on my wall? Probably over $100, depending on how cheap I go and what kind of deal I can find. You know how much it would cost if I went to allposters.com, picked out a random picture of a New York skyline, scooped up a cheap-o frame from Wal-Mart, and tacked it to my wall? Probably less than $10.

So the question is, why?

Well there's two reasons, and both reasons are selfish.

1.) When people walk into my apartment, I want this display to be one of, if not the first things they see. It will be hard to miss. And hopefully, if done well, will draw enough attention to it so people forget about the off shade of urine that my living and dining room walls were painted before I moved in. So my goal is that my little ensemble will be a conversation piece. I envision a new arrival to question where these so similar yet so different pictures came from, at which time I can gleefully claim that despite their professionalism, charm, and beauty, they were all taken by an un-charming, mildly attractive, amateur. Then I get to watch their transformation from appreciation to reasonable astonishment, and receive a bevy of questions about when I took them, where I was, etc, reliving the masterpiece that was my trip to NYC and basking in the moderate glory of my photographic skills. AKA I want to brag.

2.) While bragging is important, the basis of this rambling was to bring light to the importance of self accomplishment. I couldn't imagine anybody in this world walking into a store, seeing what will be the result of my hard work, and thinking that what they see is worth the ~$40 it would cost to take each piece home. It's not that I believe people don't overpay, I just know that there are more professional, better looking, more awe-inspiring pictures of New York City that deserve to be on a wall, and for less money. But the idea of decorating my apartment with things that I have experienced, documented, and created, makes me love my apartment more than anything else. Sure, it would be nice to have great taste in decorations with a deep check book, but where's the sense of accomplishment in clearing out a few aisles at Target? Sure, it would be nice to have great taste in fashion with a deep check book, but how much more significant is your favorite scarf that you made for yourself?

Now, I am definitely a hypocrite on this topic. There's a sense of accomplishment in changing your own oil, but really, if it costs the same and takes less time, I'll continue to have NTB do the dirty work.

But the closer you can come to self accomplishment, self sufficiency, self autonomy, the closer you will be to your own identity, your own life, one that you created, and one that you and only you will occupy, and that feeling is worth more than any dollar or credit card can buy. No one can take it from you.

"Die-hard"

Being a 'die-hard' fan of anything is tough work. Usually there is no way to curb the utter devotion you have to whatever object you are a fan of. For the sake of this post, I'm saying this as a die-hard Cubs fan, but in my mind, a modern die-hard Cubs fan. So what's the difference between a 'modern' and a 'traditional?'

Well there are two ways to consider the updated version of a die-hard fan, and they swing in opposite directions.

1.) There is more technology at our fingertips than ever before. You can be so engrossed in your team that you watch games on a 60inch LED TV when you're home, and watch them on your 3.5inch touchscreen phone when you're not. You can access pages and pages of stats, find out injury updates, contract updates, criminal report updates (K-ROD), read recaps of minor league games, follow players from Single A Daytona to Double A Tennessee to Triple A Iowa, catch highlights and expert analysis on several different media outlets including satellite radio and multiple TV stations, and find tickets to any game you would want to go to between stub hub and Craigslist and any other ticket selling website.

Summary: You can be more involved in your team now than was ever possible, imaginable, conceivable 20 years ago.

2.) This is more of the Baseketball mentality... "Now your kids with your loud music, and your Dan Fogleberg, your Zima, hula hoops and pac-man video games, don't you see? People today have attention spans that can only be measured in nanoseconds!" Well the details probably aren't too transferable, but the message is the same. The same technologies that make it easier than ever to be a die-hard fan also provide enough distractions to cover up any remnants of a team you once worshiped. Hundreds of HD channels, thousands of iphone apps, millions of downloadable movies, billions of downloadable songs, and trillions of daily tweets can keep the average, digitally connected 'die-hard' occupied like port-o-potties at carnivals. We are a generation built to multi-task, trained to tune out that which doesn't immediately entertain us, and assembled to switch gears like Chicago drivers.

Summary: You can be disconnected quicker from your team now than was ever possible, imaginable, conceivable 20 years ago.

My point of laying all this out is to say that these days, unlike for 'traditional die-hards,' there's more to do every day than head to the ball park to catch a game, but that doesn't mean that I am any less of a die-hard fan. After all, what does it actually mean to be die-hard? Adj. "Stubbornly resisting change or clinging to a seemingly hopeless or outdated cause." Doesn't say anything about knowing every stat, watching every game, rising and falling with every win or loss. It just means that every year, we're back at the table, licking our lips at the chance of glory, even when you have more unmovable parts than a brick shit house (Thanks to Jim Hendry).

So now that I don't feel like I'm wronging anyone, I'm here to say that sometimes it's nice to be able to hang up the jersey a little early. In the last few weeks, I have been moving nonstop, following plans sometimes 4, 5, 6 nights in a row, using weekends to their fullest, going up to lake houses, boating, working late, running errands, assembling my new home theater, playing volleyball, playing softball, and generally filling my time without added responsibility to check scores, standings, and stats as the Cubs finish out their season. The 2010 season is lost. I'll get back into baseball as the Division races heat up, I'll root against the Sox, and I'll look forward to the playoffs, but when you're able to slide off the shackles that being a die-hard fan can put on you and just enjoy the rest of what life has to offer, it can be quite a positive experience.

I'm committed to being a Cubs fan, and couldn't possibly fathom ever rooting for another baseball team for the course of a season, but to survive as a passionate fan of anything, you have to be able to thrive as much with it as without it.

Karma

What goes around, comes around, right? I have spent long-winded passages declaring my overall belief in being a good person, leading a good life, setting a good example, and falling asleep with a clear conscience. And I guess I figured that in the long run, as the idea of karma implies, any bad luck or hard times I've come across will be lost and forgotten when the good will of the world wraps me up in a blanket of warmth, blessing me with happiness and more or less rewarding me for being a 'good person.' I declared this because I do not consider myself a religious man, so instead of living my life for God, or living my life with the sole purpose of finding myself in heaven once my time expires, or whatever reason people give for following rules, laws, and commandments, I am content with helping those around me and doing everything I described in sentence #2.

With all that being said, is believing in the idea of karma inherently selfish? Mind you, I could write the same thing about those who live life for God or for heaven or whatever reason, but that's not my sack of potatoes.

I once questioned where people get their motivation from, and I guess that is the root of what's going on here. Do people perform good deeds because they believe that it will, in some way, come back around. And if so, is that good deed tainted? Closer to home, do I believe that? People always tell me that I'm a good person, that good things will come my way, that I impact lives in a positive way, and in some way, this is my motivation. Making the lives of those around me better makes me feel better. It's not truly masochistic, since it doesn't always cause me pain, but at some point, the happiness of others is more important than my own. So in that way, I get pleasure out of 'doing the good deeds of karma,' or however you want to describe it.

But I also really want to believe that I will be, as I said 'rewarded' in some way. I mean, if I am always caring for and taking care of others, I would hope that one day, whether its a full life or an eternal afterlife, my actions can be justified and the universe can once again hang in balance. I'm not saying that I'm unhappy now. I honestly have very little to complain about. So then I guess I would hope that as I continue on my journey, that the effort I put in is reciprocated by the results. In simple terms, I hope the ends justify the means.

But isn't there an unmistakable scent of selfishness in those last two paragraphs? How can you separate the desire to help others with the hope that it's not a wasted effort? I explain all of this because I believe it is rare, nearly impossible to find someone who does something good without thinking about karma. Maybe that's the cynic in me, and I hope that the world can at some time convince me that it's made up of good people. The Dark Knight seems to think so, and in reality, like Tweek says on South Park, 'even though all the news is about murderers and abductors, those kind of people only make up a very small part of the world.' But for now, I'm not convinced.

I don't know if it will ever be possible for me to do a good deed without thinking that there is some form of benefit for myself. So maybe I'm not the best person in the world, I'm no Saint, I'm no Angel, I'm no other mythologically moral creature; I'm just a regular guy with a solid approach to the world. And I don't think I realized this when I started mulling over the idea of karma, but if the world was made up of people selfishly playing their cards in hopes of it coming back around, then you'd be surprised how much happier this world would be.

In reality, I think karma is a bunch of hogwash. Bad things happen to good people, and vice versa. Don't let the result cause you to second guess your decision. Living a good life will see its reward play out tenfold as the world evolves, because the more you can impact the lives of those around you, then the more people they can spread it to. It's a pay it forward type of thinking. Hopefully that is enough to keep going.