Think about how many relationship-type scenarios you know of in your life. Think about how many people in your life, friends, family, coworkers, you come in contact with through the course of a day or week or month are currently dealing with some form of a significant other, or at least someone that is more significant than one night Nancy from the local pub. So of all those situations, how many of them are simple? How many of them were boy meets girl, girl meets boy, boy likes girl, girl likes boy, date, engage, marry, and here we are? On the other side, how many of them were in some sort of game? Some sort of sign reading, questioning motives, are you in or out, who else are you talking to you, are we exclusive, lets take a break, what do you mean 'we were on a break so i thought it was OK,' or any other sort of jumbled mess with some alternative lettering besides A to B...
So why the complications? Because we're all so scared that the person we're with isn't the right one. Because we fear that sort of long term commitment with someone we're not 100% beyond a shadow of a doubt unequivocally undeniably unfathomably positive that this person is the right one, the chance for 'true love,' the chance to live a fairy tale and end with happily ever after. Because they weren't how you drew them up, but at the end of the day, was your drawing wrong? Because everyone deserves to be happy, so what if this is your only shot at happiness. Because if you don't find someone in the next year then you're going to be too old to find someone. Because dying alone ranks number one on your list of fears. Because people keep telling you that this makes sense. Because everything we've been told has conditioned us to believe we know how we're supposed to feel and what we're supposed to say and what we're supposed to do and how we're supposed to act.
So we take what we have, or what we think we have, and we analyze, we reach, we hope, we twist our minds, and we bend the rules in order to cookie cutter our lives into something that looks clean on the outside. And we rush decisions based on a few looks exchanged and a few minor interactions. And we think that the next person you meet might be the last person you meet. And the next person you kiss might be the last person you kiss. No more first dates. No more meeting the parents. No more secrets being revealed. That 'next step' of life becomes the 'B' on your path. And you finally get to see the future, family kids, dinner parties, vacations, picket fences and walk in closets. Everything makes sense.
Then there's reality.
And the reality is that we break our backs and rack our brains and strain our hearts and the start of the resemblance or something or anything that turns out more often to be nothing. And why? Well we do it BECAUSE of everything I've already stated, but why are we forced to do it? Because no one seems to have the ability to just be open. I recently read a quote that basically said you can't understand how someone views the world unless they talk about themselves. Otherwise, how can you trust them? I paraphrased that because I don't want to re-listen to the podcast where I heard it, but how I interpret it is someone who don't talk about their life is hiding something. Hiding feelings, secrets, motives, agendas, whatever. They're like raccoons, quickly fleeing the scene when too bright a light is cast. Why? Cause they're up to no good. And same with people. Because too many solo-fliers standing next to the bar have an agenda, a plan to deploy. And so the event becomes reciprocated acts of strategy. Whatever happened to, 'hey, I'm interesting in starting something with you, hopefully getting to know each other, and seeing where it goes.' Unless your agenda is, 'honestly, I hope you're good in bed because I don't even want to remember your name.' Then just go with that! Take the guess work out.
Now, don't get me wrong, the game, the chase, the courting process should be fun. You can't treat the whole thing like a contract. 'If you agree, please sign on the line. Great, thanks... the first date will be in 4 days. Please pick me up. Awesome.' There is still room to have fun, and the 'getting to know you' process should always feel new and exciting, assuming you like the person. But just don't get caught in this, 'I don't know what to do,' 'I really like him but...' 'I need to wait for a clear sign,' and 'he needs to prove his love before anything can move forward.' These are just opportunities for failure. Avoid them, if you can. Be up front with people. It's the least you can do. Because going on the chase can be fun, but letting people chase when you know they'll never catch you is much worse than the truth. Nobody deserves anything less than the truth. No exceptions.
No exceptions! Excellent peice.
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