Scientific Dating

Whether it's a sign of our times, a cry for help, or just something you stumbled on, online dating has erupted over the last decade. During that span, my time on a computer mainly consisted of hours and hours of online communication, from AOL, to email, to AOL Instant Messenger, to MySpace, to Facebook, saddling up now with gChat, but only rarely was I using the internet as a means to meet new people. 98% of my chatting was spent with friends, peers, classmates, romantic interests, family members, etc. in short: people I knew. There are outliers; those that I met through chatrooms (AOL) or while searching certain areas (MySpace) or browsing fellow dorm dwellers (Facebook), and admittedly teetered on the edge of lonely and creepy, if not both. But as I made my way through social mediums, I always had a strong affinity toward online communication, for several reasons.

1. Typing on a computer does not require immediate response. This means I get the chance to think and plan what I'm going to say, which is dire for me. I'm getting better at filling the gaps with intelligent words, pushing my logical and appropriate responses to the forefront of my mind, and spewing them out quick enough to maintain reasonable conversation. But back in Jr. High, High School, and most of college, I still think I preferred a computer screen to hide behind, which leads me to my next point.

2. The other person doesn't see you! So besides being able to wear sweatpants and a hoodie, hood up, lacking general hygiene, etc, you also get to react, yell, scream, smile, cry, or let out any form of emotion you might have in response to what the name on the screen just typed. This just makes things easier, even if Hitch claims that '90% of what you're saying ain't coming out of your mouth.'

3. Considering myself a stronger writer than speaker, I was able to articulate my jumbled thoughts in text instead of searching for and mumbling over the words that seeped out. I might talk too much now, but that was not always the case, and letting my fingers do the conversing was a huge bonus for me.

4. The ability to carry on several conversations at once, expanding people I could get close with as opposed to that 'limiting' one-on-one form of talking. Who would like that, I have no idea.

I realize that these explanations do nothing to boost my current image, but that's hardly my point. Chemistry.com: 11,000,000 registered members. eHarmony: 37,000,000 registered members. Match.com: 96,000,000 registered members. PlentyofFish: 23,000,000 registered members. Now I understand that there is overlapping profiles, double profiles, abandoned profiles, joke profiles, and inactive users, but those are absolutely staggering numbers. So what do they all do? Well Chemistry.com uses an algorithm that "pairs members specifically for long-term relationships using methods it refers to as 'compatibility' and 'chemistry,'" or so Wikipedia says. The CEO of eHarmony describes his website service as "a scientific approach to a deeply personal and emotional process." Match.com is a more straightforward approach, simply allowing users to browse and wink at each other for free, requiring a membership to email members and read incoming messages. Plentyoffish, similar to Match.com, thrives in the UK and Canada as their number 1 dating site.

Given my history of online communication and my present relationship situation, I took the encouraging words of a friend and decided to join one of these networks about a week ago. I know you might be shocked to read that I am in fact single, but try to keep up.

So is there some truth to the commercials, claiming the hundreds of hundreds of people that have met their mate through an online dating community? Of the relationships that you are aware of, how many do you know started online? Do you think there is a stigma attached to it, as the characters on ‘How I Met Your Mother’ discuss in the episode ‘How I Met Everyone Else’ (2007)? Or is it really not a big deal anymore, considering its 2011 and the world is already nuts (case in point: every video shown on Tosh.0)?

I don’t have the answers to all of those questions, but I do know this: what’s the harm in finding out? Look, I enjoy going to bars, even if 80% of the time I just stand in a small circle, talking to the immediate group that I traveled with. I like to go out for the possibility of meeting someone new, be it the person that orders a drink next to you, the one that you make eye contact with from across the room, or the one that slips you a number when you’re not paying attention. Do I think meeting a girl in a bar will in some way taint the tenure of the ensuing relationship? Absolutely not. After all, isn’t that the true test of chemistry, what happens when your eyes finally meet?

Or is the calculated, surveyed, algorithmed version the best approach? Maybe cycling through a dozen profiles that were picked for you until you hit one face that stops your clicking is the same thing. It sounds questionable, but is it any different than a friend trying to set you up with another friend? ‘Hey, I think you would be perfect for my friend, I’m going to set you up.’ Well, does this mutual friend know that I want my future mate to be a non-smoking, socially drinking, honest and caring Libra with a carefully sculpted bio, an array of pictures and poses, who lives in Chicago? (not entirely true). Maybe the systems on these websites can narrow it down from the millions of people we’ve come in contact with to the 50 or 100 most qualified. Is that a cowardly approach, or does it just increase the odds of finding someone you enjoy spending time with?

I’m confident in my decision for three reasons. It won’t stop me from going out, being social, meeting new people, going on dates, and attempting to find someone in ‘the real world,’ if nothing else, it just allows me more opportunities to talk to and meet new people, but also because for the people that I do establish a connection with, not every relationship has to turn romantic. I’m excited to meet some people that might not have the free time to bar hop, for whatever reason.

It’s a shame that online dating has a stigma attached to it. If used for the right reasons, it’s actually one of the most logical approaches you can have.