So, Monday night, I watched the second installment of The Bachelorette, the hit ABC show. To be fair, I missed the first hour, but like a fist pump from fate, it airs in two hour segments for its entire run. Count your blessed stars now, it’s nearly a miracle (not to mention the indescribable gift of full length episodes appearing online). So in my abbreviated viewing, I saw our feaurette, Ashley, legitimately make out with three of the suitors. Now, I’m sure there are some time lapses, so it’s hard to get a firm grip on the exact progression, but I had to stop at this one.
Besides my overwhelming desire to yell out certain descriptive words toward her behavior, I couldn’t help but to explore the structure of this show. You have 25 guys vying for one girl. So throughout the show, there is backstabbing, foul play, broken bonds, and about every style of ‘game’ you could imagine, including mask wearing and wine making. So they load a bunch of seemingly diverse candidates into limos and deliver them to the door of Ashley. While only getting a few minutes of camera time with about half of the guys, she’s already required to give out roses and whittle the group down by 7 (I think?). So almost solely on first impression, some guys are never even given the chance at wooing. So long, drunk, passed out guy. Adios humble New York meat chopper. Good luck frosted tips and lacking a tie, maybe next time. And the crowd is down to 18.
Move to the most current episode, where a group date (that I admittedly haven’t watched yet) and two one-on-one dates took place. With some guys easily in the pole position, and others already a lap down, still spinning wheels in first gear, the gap between first and last is at its greatest. The dates were pretty memorable, including a trip to Vegas, dinner in the Bellagio fountain, dancing and kissing, ankle deep in water, in front of a live band, while being the only people in the audience, and a slew of other fancy drinks and tasty food. Would I have loved to schedule one of those, cameras or not? You bet your ass. But, as the setting and the format of the show allows, Ashley finds herself alone with a few of her favorites, gives out a bunch of kisses, a little tongue, three early roses (even though, through the magic of TV, we all know Bentley is just a douche bag with major game), and an aura of uncertainty about the remaining 15, still including the masked marauder (who gets stymied moments before removing his disguise). Barely able to sift through the weeds to find the flowers (pun intended), she cans three more dudes, who, while disappointed, I’m sure knew they weren’t running with the same horsepower under the hood.
While I only plan on watching this show until my buddy is no longer coming up roses (or so I say), I can forecast a little. Ashley will continue to date the guys, with the ones she likes more and more getting the most amount of face time. A few story lines will be fabricated to create drama. But the constant theme throughout will be each guy vying for Ashley’s attention, trying to stay in the game, to stay ahead of the pack, to find every little inside turn, every fast track, and to ultimately survive a concentrated and brutal attempt at dating.
Hey, um, doesn’t that sound a lot like dating, minus the fabricated drama. Actually, lies belong in there too ('oh, sorry, I have a thing tomorrow night. I’ll call you next week'). The only thing missing from the real world of dating are the directors. Otherwise, going on multiple dates with different people at the same time? Completely normal. Overlapping passionate kisses between two or even three possible lifetime mates? Completely normal. Doing everything you can to stand out against the pack and flash your beautiful peacock feathers? Completely normal. 100% eliminating seemingly normal candidates based on taste alone, without even trying to get to know them? Completely normal. Having to decide between two people that you honestly care about, but happen to be in your life at the exact same moment? Completely normal.
I don’t think the numbers on successful marriages after The Bachelor or The Bachelorette are too high, but, could they be so much worse than the national average? Probably not. Just saying, there are worse ways of finding someone to spend your life with. I hope, for Ashley’s sake, she picks JP. Not that I’m going to watch and find out or anything.
No comments:
Post a Comment