Shedding Skin

For anyone that knows me well, going-into-college-me was very different than coming-out-of-college-me. There were classes, teachers, and very close friends that not only changed the way I approached life, but changed the way I thought about life, the way I thought about the people in my life, and the new path that I wanted my life to go down. This sort of grandiose, multilevel change happens to most people. The timing can fall over a broad range of dates, but the general idea of a life-altering and course-switching decision usually comes up at least once. Why?

Well, because we are agents of education. We have been programmed to learn, adapt, evolve, and be educated about anything from algebra to hopscotch, guitars to knitting, parenting to dying. Everything we encounter is viewed as an opportunity to learn, whether we know it or not. So the more we learn, about situations, about people, about feelings and emotions, and about everything else that goes into the intricacies of life, the more we are able to manipulate and contort our lives to better fit into the construct that our minds have rebuilt. The conscious decision to make a change, at the human level, should be considered as an evolution, or else, what are the reasons you are changing if not to do something better?

So there's no doubt that most, if not everyone in this world takes what they've learned from books, people, and their experiences and at some point, sheds the skin of who they once were and becomes someone new. This could be someone that decides to take over life and get back in shape, pitching bags and bags of clothes in order to rediscover a new person. Or it could be someone that is sick of a dead-end job and chooses to get and stay motivated for a more fulfilling job. Or just someone that realizes the right way to treat people and believes in a more respectable way of living. Forgive me for sighting cliches, but it was my attempt to explain how these large changes can come in so many different shapes and sizes that it's almost hard to lump them into the same pile.

Though it's interesting that I used the phrase shedding skin, as it will provide me the launch board I need to reach my point. Can we ever really change? Am I nothing more than a better trained, better educated, better articulated, better groomed version of who I was 5 year ago? 10 years ago? 15 years ago? That high flying exec that used to be a lazy pothead... are they different to the core? Or did they just shed the dreads and start wearing suits, creating the mirage of successful business person?

I don't really have an answer. I started this because I realized, even after my transitions and achievements since high school, deep down, I'm not too different of a person. Sure, clothes, attitude, outlook, and a slew of other things have changed, but anyone who got to know me 10 years ago would probably argue that I'm not so different from the kid they grew up with. Maybe because we all have been growing up together, so it's less noticeable. Maybe my parents or grandparents would be able to say that my change has been more severe. Who knows. But I'm pretty sure that the depth of my 'change' or 'evolution' in my life will never erase who I was growing up, and there are deep seeded and strong-willed fragments of my 'soul' that will always remain present.

So when I hear something like, 'You can't change who people are without destroying who they were,' I guess I believe that. I can't truly change who I am, because I'll never be able to destroy who I was. Destruction is only possible in extreme or fantastical situations, both of which have not been present in my life. I'm not sure what the next 1-60 years of my life will bring, but without a large, stratospheric event, I don't see myself becoming anything more than a wrinkled, weathered, worn down version of the same tree-climbing, hot wheels loving, movie watching, writing, dancing, pitching, loving, caring, and genuine person that I spent my early years becoming. And I'm very okay with that.