Keep Myself in Check

So I have claimed several different reasons for starting and continuing writing in this thing. Mainly because I wanted my words to have a more formal, reachable platform for the world to consume, hoping to encourage and enlighten even the nayest of sayers, but I also had a lot of personal reasons for this constant and consistent pursuit of writing as a tool. It is only recently that I have discovered what might prove to be the most valuable reason yet. It is my firm belief that giving advice, in all forms, is often lost on the giver. I believe I have touched on this topic before: Heed. So with that in mind, I can say that the majority of the time that I fill these pages with seemingly mindless wanderings, that really I'm spitting out a different version of some sort of life lesson. That's not to say I sit here and try to preach my beliefs and get the world to live the same way that I carry on, but it's just to give some perspective and get people to challenge some of their own preconceived notions. If you equate what I just described with a mild form of broad advice, using my own life as the spring board, then you can also see how the man behind the lens sometimes forgets what its like to point the camera back.

What I'm trying to say is that having documented displays of my thoughts allows me to keep myself in check when I occasionally veer off my own sets of standards and theories.

So I can't find the quote buried beneath the 57,000 words that I've written in this blog, but at one point, I claimed that feeling vulnerable is how we know we're still alive. If you take it to the other extreme, if you can live your life without a care in the world, literally carefree, then in some ways, you're above living, off the ground, not quite stabled in reality. For the rest of us, when we're on a roll, and life is treating us well, whether it's sipping mojitos on a porch in the summer or cuddling up with your pup and a blanket on a cold, December night, you tend to skip over life like a hydroplaning vehicle, slow down and you might sink, but maintain speed and you keep your momentum. This then resembles the carefree liver who spends time experiencing anti-gravity, not literally. But the idea of being vulnerable, of someone having the ability to hurt you, of exposing enough of yourself to allow pain in, not only does it mean that there was a connection strong enough to cause the various degrees of suffering, but also that you're not too far above reality to realize that we're all delicate to an extent, fragile in a sense, and need to be treated as such.

This is where I needed the check. I needed the reminder that above it all, what I have makes me fortunate. And beyond that, what I feel now is a direct result of what felt before. And even though recent events haven't played out quite like I envisioned or if nothing else, strongly hoped, I should still be able to take solace in realizing the raw nature of what has happened, take the positives, and grow as a person. This should be the process for most things in life that don't go your way, and when you're trying to battle, fight off the empty feeling in your stomach, this might be the only thing that pulls you out of the tailspin.

I was able to make my way through this by remembering my own words. Instead of searching through lyrics and quotes and the words of others, trying to find the right combination to accurately describe my descending mood, the most logical piece of information was lost amidst my own thoughts, armed with enough artillery to combat that empty but powerful lack of gusto that bad news can create.

And to make matters even better, this only further continues my pursuit to take back control of my life. When the words of others that tried to pick me up fell on deaf ears, me rejecting the comfort, I became self-sufficient, capable of righting my own ship and getting me back to everything and everyone I love. Next time you find yourself caught in a downward spiral, whatever the cause and however severe, see if you have what it takes to be strong enough to help yourself, find a way to use your own resources, and prove that no matter what obstacle appears, next time, you'll know there's nothing you can't take on.