You Ever Laughed When You're Crying?

It's funny. Sometimes when you're 'down,' you want to stay down, simply reinforce the reasons for being down, and not deal with any sentimental, forced flowery from a friend's attempt to pick you back up.

That will be the focus of this.

When you receive something, or hear something, or read something, or find something out that spins you into a new realm of pissed off, depressed, or simply hurt, you fall into a moment of complete purity that is often impossible to recreate. For me, the feeling is like a heavy heart. Sounds 80s cliche, but it's honest. For whatever reason, when I hear that gut wrenching news of something I wasn't expecting, my heart feels too heavy to hold, like there's a weight tied onto its midsection, and it can't do one more dip. So instead of pumping back up, it just slowly sags to a rest.

But that immediate future is a pure, raw state of your body. And one of the few, along with sneezing, crying, bleeding, and getting the chills. But we all know how I feel about the chills (purist form of human behavior achievable).

Sidenote: Writing the word future reminded me of a George Carlin line: There is no present, only the recent past and the immediate future. So true.

Anyway, the curious part of a heart-sagging episode is the response. Like i opened with, sometimes you want to stay hurt. Maybe for the attention, maybe for the rage, maybe because you're bored, but there's some part of each person that doesn't want words of encouragement when bad news hits. Sometimes you feel like the Narrator and want to destroy something beautiful. Nothing settles your stomach or slows your thoughts. In fact, the buttered up lingo people sling around only makes things worse. They become part of the problem.

But what's funny, is that funny works. Wallowing, self-reinforcement, forced heartache, it's all fleeting. It's all avoidance behavior. It's a cop out. A disguise. At the end of the day, will this 'news' make or break you? Unless it's a diagnosis of cancer, I think you'll live. And as hard as it is, your friends are there to pick you up. And make you laugh when you don't want to. You ever laughed with tears coming out of your eyes? It's a weird feeling, but one that I'm sure you've experienced. Because you're in a state of reaction. No planning. Nothing safe. You're exposed. And it feels, great.

Didn't quite know where this was ending, but now I've found it. Laughing while crying, in my book, has now surpassed the chills as the single most pure emotion your body can produce. But it takes the weathered shoulder of someone that cares about you to get there. Never forget them, those that lift you up. They are the ones that earn a heavy heart if weighted news ever travels about them.

This disjointed mess of a post slightly resembles my state last night. I'll be cleaner in the future, i promise.