Mental Fantasy Image

So one mundane day, your friend tells you 'hey my girl's got this friend that would be perfect for you.' First reaction? Well, usually it's pretty exciting, assuming you trust your friend. Unless they are just trying to shove two of their loneliest friends together, you hope your friend knows you well enough to recommend someone that is compatible and desirable. This situation leads to maybe a group hangout, maybe straight to a first date. Assuming some reasonable attraction has grown, this situation will continue to jump from date to date, nights out to nights out, until a month or two has passed. I feel like I haven't done this in a long time: This is nothing new, I just described something everyone knows. But here's my launch pad.

If you skip along from getting together at dinner to hanging out at a bar to meeting some friends on a Friday night, assuming these interactions aren't leading to sex (call me old school), then you are only seeing this new interest in the best possible light. If this is your first date, you're putting on your knock out, home run outfit, you're making sure your hair is perfect, you're staying in the shower for an extra scrub, etc. We're talking best behavior at dinner, moderate drinks flowing at the bar, constant attention to details, trying hard to remember names and stories and backgrounds, holding doors, sporadic compliments, everything. And depending how long this masquerade continues, you could go 3, 4, 5 weeks, filled with this mental fantasy version of the person you've been 'getting to know.' Well, picture that mental fantasy image, and now try to figure out what percentage of that image is truly the accurate portrayal of this new fling.

So now you're in a situation where all the cliched, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days-esk bad habits and runaway-type traits pile up, completely reversing this perfect sculpture that was created. Now, I know this isn't always the case, so ignore that portion. And of course, not all details of a person can come out in the month or two of initial dating. But think about the little things. You only get to see their best 5 or 6 outfits. What if the rest of their closet is filled with stained, ripped, baggy fitting relics of previous, or worse, current wardrobes? Is that the end of the world? No. But is that what attracted you to this person in the first place? Well, probably not. Could this secretly be who you wish the person was, based on conversation and similar interests? Maybe. It's like interviewing a candidate who only has one suit. You might assume they're a sharp dressed man, but in reality, they're just a man with one suit.

What's to make of all this? Do you look at someone on a first date and think, 'well yeah they look nice, but what's the rest of their closet look like?' Do you notice a neatly folded napkin on their lap and think, 'yeah but how neat is their apartment?' Does this just falsify every piece of wardrobe, every action, every joke, comment, or story, viewing them as if under stage lights, only meant to portray something not entirely real?

It is this thought strand that, on one hand, terrifies me of the dating scene, but on the other, makes me realize something that completely relaxes me. This rant of built-up fabrications only occurs when two people come into contact whom have never met previously. Well what about the other scenario? The more common scenario, based on a survey I didn't actually take. I'd be willing to bet that the majority of people currently in relationships have had some previous contact with their now significant other before that first date ever happened. Whether its classmates, coworkers, same circle of friends, or just moving at a slower pace, more times than not, you already have somewhat of an idea who someone is before you wine and waltz the night away. And realistically, doesn't that make the most sense? I'm not saying you should be best friends with someone before you ever decide to date, but what's the harm in getting to know someone a little, test the waters, per se? It has to be better than jumping into a lake, when who knows what is lurking. At least I hope so.