A Walking Dichotomy

"Division into two; especially, the division of a class into two subclasses opposed to each other by contradiction."

While that may be a pretty official definition, found on Wiktionary, I like to take it a step further. Think of a dichotomy as an array of clashing ideas, squeezed and manipulated in a revolving batter. Now think of that batter residing inside walls of skin. This is how I see myself.

Take the most recent example:

I decided to start liking country music. I did it mainly as a joke. I was never someone that says their preferred music is 'anything but country,' but by no means was I ever a fan... well over the last 3 or so weeks, I have started listening to so much pop country: on the radio, on you tube, on my ipod at work, on tv, and i'm on the verge of buying tickets to a country show at Joes on Weed. I say pop country, cuz deep down, I know most of what's on US 99.5 America's Country Station is as close to pop music as it is to country, but it's still quite a leap from Demon Hunter and Killswitch Engage...

But with country music comes a new mindset. From a tin roof, a front porch, and a gravel road to splashing through the sand bar, talking by the campfire, the simple things in life. The simple things in life, and a simple life. A slower pace. A longer fuse. Patience. Passion. Who wouldn't want all that? The more I listen to it, the more I think about it, about who I am and what I've become, I realize that this sounds pretty decent. Not to mention Taylor Swift is performing right now with Def Lepord. And it's spectacular. The whole life style, it's something that I'm there for. Aside from, yanno, the shotguns...

Then I pass some rusty pickup truck limping along on the Edens after throwing it into 6th.

I thrive in a fast paced world of el trains and loud music and quick shifting and low sleep totals and high story memories with everything that comes with expressways, DVR, and all you can drink bar deals. I love being 23 in the city, loop or not. I like excitement. I like feeling alive, because I'm barely alive. I like being exhausted, and decided to go do more. My commonly used 'over-extending' myself. Leaving everything out there and putting yourself on the line every time. This all appeals to me. And these theories resonate in so much of my music. Besides the actual tempo, my bands are talking about F the system, break rules, avoid conformity, be an individual, and never slow down. And I will sing every word, feeling passionate about it.

And what I've come to realize, is that having two living creatures within in, is completely healthy, sane, and at times, imperative. I admire people that can live their life one way, according to one philosophy, and stay true enough to never waver. And often times, the very people that are inspiring me, are usually the ones that are strong enough to follow those feelings. And I realize that never finding your 'true' identity is easier, never having to pick sides... but I love it. I won't compromise by saying that being a mutt of music and feelings and life goals ends up being 'me,' I just don't think I need to figure that out quite yet.

So I'll stir at night, dreaming about May 16th when I get to see Disturbed and Killswitch at Northerly Island, while i dreamily stare at Taylor Swift, just beyond my computer screen, talking about country nights and love stories. Fitting the show is called 'Crossroads.'