When I Grow Up...

So, over the last year, either getting to know someone, or simply passing the time, I have been asked what I wanted to be when I grew up. This seems like a simple question. A question commonly proposed to us throughout our childhood. A question that we were all expected to have an answer to. A question that produces some ever-changing answers along with dead-on balls-accurate guesses. But somewhere along the line, I forgot what I used to say.

My standard answer is to say that I wanted to be a Major League baseball player. But honestly, what 7 year old didn't want to be a star of some sort. We didn't know what kinds of professions were out there to choose from. If it wasn't a doctor, a teacher, a secretary, a movie star, an astronaut, or an athlete, we were stumped. The world was only populated by professions that either directly influenced our lives, or what we saw on TV. But I realize now that TVs depiction of some of these professions grossly miss-prepared us for what to expect.

Everything that is going on in baseball right now seems to have me questioning even that dream. Sure, I had lofty enough goals to want to be the best at every level in order to give myself a chance at stardom, and I had some pretty impressive moments on a baseball diamond, but who knows who I would have become.

Our professions are not what define us.

Nor were our college majors, class choices, GPAs, or report cards.

I realize now that while the question, 'what do you want to be when you grow up?' refers quite directly to a profession, my answer now would simply dodge the question, since I still don't know. I would say that I want to be someone grounded in values that reinforce an effort to maintain love and balance among the people I come in contact with. I want to be someone that falls asleep at night with an empty conscience, knowing I am leading a life that I am comfortable with. I want to be someone that can be trusted. I want to be someone that people look up to for guidance, look over to for advice, and look behind at for confirmation. I wanted to be painted as sincere. I want to be remembered as caring. I want to do what I can to make a difference, at some level, in the world that I live in, and the one I will pass down to future generations. I want my family to always come first, and to always come first to them. I want my friends to believe in me when I don't.

And I don't want to fall victim to the shackles of a job title to label me, conveying to the world what I'm supposed to be, even if it was something I wanted all along.